


Viktor off Ice: Uncensored (A Retelling)

by 96qutie



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-09-21 01:57:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9526817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/96qutie/pseuds/96qutie
Summary: Yuuri Katsuki’s hand landed on my arm.“Dance with me.”My eyes widened. I wondered how I had caught his attention again. I didn’t question why I was happy I had.“All right.” I agreed with a cheeky grin. “You think you can beat even me?”“I don’t want to beat you.” Yuuri replied and my eyes widened. “I want to dance with you.”My heart stuttered.“Very well.” I took his hand. “Dance with me, Yuuri.”





	1. The Playboy is Seduced

**Author's Note:**

> This is a retelling of the events of Yuri!!! On Ice from Viktor’s perspective and without any censorship. And by that I mean my interpretations of Victor's perspective on the events, including ideas from some explanations and headcanons I’ve read and liked. I will also take some creative license to add scenes that were not in the show. Those will be my interpretations on how their relationship progressed outside the show’s plot. I will try to stay close to canon.

 

At that time, I was only vaguely aware of him. A Japanese skater. Yuuri Katsuki. A late bloomer, an up-and-comer. Those words were thrown around. Yuri didn’t like him. That was it.

 

I watched him skate at the Final, as I did everyone, and felt a pang of sympathy. A skater with a strong form and step sequence who hesitated on his jumps and let his lack of confidence hold him back. Then he let his falls shake him and he spiraled. Poor Yuuri Katsuki. 

 

I had won gold again and I was proud. My mind was on swapping remarks with Chris. On smiling at my public. On thinking about the future. 

 

This season had barely felt like a surprise. A few were surprised by my music choice. Innocent they called it. Unlike me. The music was not innocent. The deep desire for a connection. Stay close to me. That was not a naive desire. It was one hardened by years of being alone. 

 

I tried to shake it out of my mind. 

 

I talked to Yuri and Yakov while we walked out of the arena. Yuri ignored my advice with confidence and I smiled a little. Watching Yuri grow was a fun experience. It was interesting to compare him to myself and watch for where he overcame me and where he made mistakes. I think we both make Yakov tired. Which was also funny.

I felt eyes on me and I turned.

 

Yuuri Katsuki. The boy who saw my glance and immediately blushed. 

 

The blush made me smile and I turned toward him. 

 

“Do you want a photo?” I asked and his eyes widened. I assumed he must be a fan because of his expression. The way he was looking at me like he admired me. 

 

“Sure,” I agreed to his lack of response, thinking he was just too shy to press me for one. 

What happened after was my turning point. 

 

It wasn’t because he turned away. Unlike what most people think, I wasn’t shocked because someone turned down a photo with me. I’m confident, but not that vain. 

 

It was the look on his face.

 

I stood there, watching him walk away like everything was over. It was a pain every skater-- probably every athlete in the world-- understood. The pain of the ending.

 

Even watching it…. It made me feel heartbroken with him, and I wished to tell him not to let it happen. Not to give in here when things were bad. 

 

But I didn’t know him, and he was already gone.

 

<><><>

 

There was always a banquet after the Grand Prix. I always went and viewed it like any other publicity, even though it wasn’t about the press. 

 

Being with other skaters was a version of publicity. The image they saw of me shaped a lot of things in my life.

 

Chris, though-- the only foreign skater I saw as a real friend-- seemed intent on having a good time and bringing me in on it. I knew he missed his boyfriend who couldn’t be there so I went along. I wanted to cheer him up. 

 

“Yuuri! Come on it’s a party!”

 

I turned.

 

Oh. Yuuri Katsuki again. It looked like his coach had talked him into coming to the banquet but he looked miserable. I smiled a little pityingly. Part of me was glad he was here. If anyone needed this it was probably him, but I doubted he saw these people as friends at the moment. 

 

He moved the corner near the champagne, and I turned away when Chris started to talk.

 

Occasionally my eyes would drift back to Yuuri, but he never seemed to have moved. Just standing near the champagne table. 

 

“Viktor I have to beat you next season.” Chris said. “Or I’m going to lose my chance.”

 

I smiled. “Good luck with that. I won’t make it easy for you.”

 

“Of course you won’t.”

 

“Viktor!”

 

I jumped in surprise and looked around. I was stunned to find Yuuri Katsuki walking up to me. His cheeks flushed with alcohol. 

 

“Shut up, loser.” Yuri Plisetsky’s voice cut through the crowd and he was suddenly at my side.

 

Yuuri’s eyes swung drunkenly onto the blonde and narrowed. He stormed up to him.

 

“I was talking to Viktor! Haven’t you had enough fun with me?”

 

“Hardly.” Yuri spat back. “I can barely stand the sight of you.”

 

“You think you’re so much better than me. You’re not even in the senior division yet, so shut up!”

 

“I could still wipe the floor with you!”

 

“Then prove it! Dance off. Right now.”

 

“Dance off?” Yuri looked dumbstruck. “I’m not-- hey!”

 

Yuuri dragged Russian Yuri onto the dance floor and I watched in rapt amusement. Shocked when Yuri actually started to dance in earnest. That boy really was competitive wasn’t he?

 

I pulled out my phone. 

 

Chris and I filled our phone with pictures and videos while we both laughed. Chris was dying to join in, and was seconds from asking me to use his phone to keep taking pictures. Yuuri Katsuki had started to loosen his clothes and Chris was not to be outdone. 

 

Then…

 

“Viktor!”

 

Yuuri Katsuki’s hand landed on my arm. 

 

“Dance with me.”

 

My eyes widened. I wondered how I had caught his attention again. I didn’t question why I was happy I had. 

 

“All right.” I agreed with a cheeky grin. “You think you can beat even me?”

 

“I don’t want to beat you.” Yuuri replied and I blinked. “I want to dance with you.”

 

My heart stuttered. 

 

“Very well.” I took his hand. “Dance with me, Yuuri.”

 

Music started, something heavy and sexy. I moved and Yuuri circled me, and we moved like two parts of a machine, matched in purpose, reaching one goal. We moved together in and out and close and back and around each other. Then we touched. Arms glided together, and weight was shifted, and whether it was his or mine we moved together. 

 

His arms caught me, and I looked up into his face. We were both smiling. 

 

When was the last time my smile had been so wide it made my face hurt? When was the last time my heart beat so hard off the ice?

 

Then a nearly naked Chris found a stripper pole and the night became interesting in a very different way.

 

Yuuri could STRIP. 

 

My phone came back out.

<><><>

 

“Hey, Viktor.”

 

Yuuri’s arms were tangled around me, and I was looking down at him in surprise. His english faltered a little when he was so drunk, and he was still not wearing much.

 

His body gyrated against mine. I tried not to let it faze me, but my breath caught.

 

“My family owns a hot spring.” Yuuri was saying in a barely understandable english “When the season is over you should come and visit.”

 

My body warmed at the thought. I opened my mouth to respond. 

 

“Hey, if I win this dance off… you’ll become my coach right?” 

 

I broke off and gaped at him. What?

He looked up at me with wide, albeit drunken, hopeful eyes, and then he was throwing his arms higher, around my neck. 

 

“Be my coach Viktor!” 

 

A blush rose on my cheeks and breath tumbled out of my mouth.

 

His head lulled on my shoulder and I was silent, because I wanted to say yes.

 

Maybe I was drunk too.

 

<><><>

 

I never heard from Yuuri after that, and what started as a drunken dream was quick to fade. 

 

I thought about him. Oh god I thought about him when I shouldn’t have been. But I didn’t have much time to spare on worry. I was submerging back into the current. 

 

I had plans for the season, I had more to get done. 

 

I skated, just like I always skated. Like it was everything, trying to startle all who watched me. Stay close to me. I threw everything into those words, I let them move me, drive me. I hardly even saw the competition behind me. 

 

A strange performance for the Russian legend? How little they knew me. 

 

I am not the same Viktor Nikiforov. I am reborn, I am always reborn. 

 

This life was pretty fun though. For once I have something I’m afraid of losing.

 

I hope I meet Yuuri Katsuki in my next life too. 

 

Those were the thoughts running through my head as I won the worlds.

 

Little did I know that on that night, halfway around the world, my new life had started without me.

 

<><><>

 

“Victor, what are you thinking for next season?”

 

The questioned had been thrown around at every press conference I went to, and for the first time in my life I had no secretive smile to give them. No gentle innuendos about my future plans. 

 

For once I felt blank.

 

I talked about it with Yuri who laughed at me.

 

“This from the guy who spent all afternoon practicing new choreography for next season.” 

 

Yes, I had been working on something. That was the problem. What I had been working on was all about love. 

 

I had found a song, the only one that had inspired me at all because it was about the feeling of love, and had been arranged in two ways. One to express sexual love, and to be honest I had been drawn to that one at first. I pictured performing it with Yuuri Katsuki watching me. Showing him he wasn’t the only one who could move like he was the hottest thing in the room. 

 

But then I listened to the other version and felt conflicted. 

 

Pure love, unconditional. It struck a cord. 

 

What was it to love and be loved like that? To care for someone and want nothing back for it?

 

I had been toying with both arrangements. Wanting to make a statement in comparing the two. Maybe one as a short program and the other for the free skate? Hmm…. I stewed on it.

 

I usually wasn’t so indecisive. I always knew what I wanted. Truth was that I still did but what I wanted was on the other side of the world, making no attempt to call me. 

 

I shook my head and decided to go home.

 

Makkachin was thrilled to see me as usual. I decided to curl up with him for the rest of the evening.

 

My phone buzzed.

 

It was a message from Chris. Something about a viral video I just had to watch. 

 

The title caught my attention but took me a moment to fully comprehend. “Yuuri Katsuki attempts Viktor Nikiforov’s gold medal performance. [Stay Close To Me]”

 

I clicked on the link.

 

It was as it sounded. It was Yuuri, dressed casually in some small empty rink, skating along to the moves that I had choreographed and knew by heart-- knew every difficulty of. 

 

It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. It was like having my heart answered by another heart. I would have felt happy, would have wondered if this was his way of reaching out to me-- if not for the one other thought that crossed my mind. 

 

This boy had never won a world or national competition. Why? My routine had won! If Yuuri could do it, could do it so well, then what the hell was the problem?

 

I was mystified. 

 

Why was Yuuri not a world champion? Why was I not fighting him tooth and nail for the gold? Why had I never even met him until this year? What was holding him back THIS much?

 

I intended to find out.

<><><>

  
  


It was a little hard saying goodbye to Yakov, but it was a little funny to see how surprised and flustered he was by the news. 

 

I was going to Japan. It was another beginning to a brand new life.

 

“Huh?” A woman asked as I wandered into the hot spring resort that the internet directed me to. “You look strangely familiar young man.”

 

My eyes widened, she sort of reminded me of…

 

“I’m sorry,” I said in what little Japanese I had learned. “Are you Yuuri Katsuki’s mother?”

 

The woman seemed more surprised but smiled. “That’s right. How can I help you?”

 

I smiled back at her. “Do you have any rooms available?” 

 

“Hmm? Well, yes.” 

 

“Then I’d like to check in.”

 

Makkachin whined from where he still sat outside and I waved apologetically.

 

“He reminds me of our dog that passed away a while ago.” Mrs. Katsuki said.

 

“Really?” I asked in surprise. “You had a poodle?”

 

“A miniature one. He was mostly my son’s. Vicchan.”

 

“Vicchan? What a cute name.” I said warmly and she laughed. 

 

“That was just his nickname dear. Short for Victor.”

 

I paused in surprise.

 

She didn’t seem to know who I was, but Yuuri… it can’t be a coincidence can it?

 

“Then you really have great taste. My name is Viktor too.” I told her and she laughed.

 

“Oh, a pleasure to meet you then, Vikchan!”

 

I blushed a little. 

 

“It’s freezing today, a cold front blew in.” She told me with a gentle concern, “Why don’t you go warm up in the hot spring for now?”

 

“I would like that.” I said, and nerves twisted in my stomach.

 

The longer I was there, I grew closer to Yuuri. I wondered what he’d say when he saw me. I wondered what he’d been doing. 

 

I followed where his mother showed me, unsure about asking where Yuuri was now. Besides I sort of enjoyed the thought of surprising him.

 

I change out of my clothes and got in a towel before heading to the outside spring. The inside one was more crowded and I preferred a moment to think. 

 

What would I say to Yuuri when I saw him? ‘I’m taking you up on your invitation?’ That didn’t seem like enough. It’s as if I was just a friend stopping in.

 

Perhaps I was over-dramatic, but a reunion deserved at least SOME flair. A lasting impression. It was my new start after all, and I sort of wanted to impress him. 

 

Suddenly I heard the sound of scampering feet, and the doors from inside were thrown open.I blinked in surprise. The boy who stood before me was not much like I remembered.

 

“Vik--,” He rubbed his glasses, “Viktor… What are you doing here?”

 

I hesitated for just a second, taking in the blushing shy expression and the much softer body of the Yuuri in front of me. Then I slowly stood up and extended my arm, offering him a smile.

 

“Yuuri!” I said, giving in to the side of myself that loved to make an entrance. “Starting today I am your coach. I’m going to make you win the Grand Prix Final.” and with that declaration, I winked.

  
<><><>


	2. Coach Viktor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay… who was this boy? And what had he done with my bubbly stripper?

Being at Yu-topia was possibly the moment I felt most like a celebrity. 

 

It wasn’t because they rolled out some red carpet for me, although there were awfully nice. It was because they all treated me like I was something DIFFERENT. 

 

They all watched me. They certainly didn’t refuse me anything, and when I fell asleep after dinner-- jet lag is awful-- I would wake briefly to hear them all gathered around and talking about me. Not talking like I was a person, but like I was an unbelievable occurrence. 

 

Even Yuuri.

 

He had invited me here, hadn’t he? He asked for all of this. He knew me, at least a little. Why was I so unbelievable to him?

 

I sneezed as I sat up and everyone jumped.

 

“Oh he’s awake.” Yuuri said, like it needed to be announced, and specifically in a way that was not addressing me. My eye twitched a little. 

 

“I’m starving.” I told Yuuri, even though the last waking thing I had done was eat. A new woman who had just showed up at least found this strange, but Yuuri shook her off and offered me anything I wanted.

 

“What’s your favorite food, Yuuri?” I decided to ask, hoping to make him talk to me. “As your coach, that’s something I should know.”

 

Yuuri seemed bewildered, but got up to tell his mom to make me something I’d never heard of. I waited patiently as I continued to get stared at, specifically by the new woman with long brown hair. 

 

I started feeling a little bit more like a person to them after that. Yuuri’s mom sat next to me after she served me and bragged on their specialty dish. Everyone seemed more relaxed gathered around the table, but Yuuri was still very quiet as he watched me get excited about his favorite food. 

 

It really did look good. Hot too, which was nice. It was cold here, for Japan. 

 

Tasted it.

 

“Vkusno!” 

 

“Yuuri gains weight easily. So he is only allowed to have them when he’s won a competition.” The woman explained and Yuuri ducked his head. 

 

Gained weight easily? That explained how he was plumper than the last time I saw him. Although he was rather adorable like that, it was going to make training difficult. 

 

I decided to be a little harsh.

 

“Have you had Katsudon lately?”

 

“Yeah I eat it all the time.” Yuuri replied with a smile.

 

“But you haven’t won anything.” I pointed out, and Yuuri’s eyes widened and he blushed in shame. 

 

“You need to get back to the weight you were at before the Grand Prix Final.” I told him hoping he doesn’t find my picking that weight as suspicious. “Or else there’s no way I can train you. So no more Katsudon, okay little piggy?”

 

Yuuri looked startled and embarrassed but didn’t reproach more for what I said or how I said it. Just mumbled something about how he should probably be offended, and I wondered why he wasn’t.

 

<><><>

 

“You seem anxious.” I said to Yuuri when we were finally alone that night. He had helped to bring in my boxes and looked tired, but he’d hardly talked to me all night. I wanted to know if he was mad, if I had misinterpreted something. I wanted to know why he was acting like he had never met me. 

 

Yuuri looked up at me at I winked at him to lighten the mood. He looked away shyly and didn’t say anything. 

 

“You know you can pay my coaching fees later, after you’ve won something.” I offered, wondering if that was the problem. That he hadn’t thought all this through and was worried I’d be mad. When he looked surprised by this comment though I thought that wasn’t it after all. 

 

“Thank you,”

 

I kneeled down in front of him, taking a different approach. 

 

“Yuuri, tell me everything about you.”

 

Yuuri blushed and I smiled, not being able to resist reaching out and touching his soft chin to make him look up at me. I just wanted him to look me in the eyes, but it was also nice to get to touch him. I let my fingers linger on his skin. 

 

“What kind of rink do you skate at? What’s in this city? Is there a girl you like?” I let my other hand travel down his arm to tangle our fingers together. “Before we start practicing, let’s build some trust in our relationship.” I drew Yuuri’s face a little closer to mine, trying to get my message across.

 

_ I’m here for YOU. I remember everything. I’ve wondered about you all this time.   _

 

My robe had fallen open at this point and I didn’t care. I wouldn’t have minded if he tried to touch me. I maybe wanted him to. 

 

Then he turned bright red and scurried away from me like a frightened mouse. 

 

“What?” I asked startled, and then pouted. “Why are you running away?”

 

“Uh no reason…” He said squeakily and I was even more baffled. 

 

“I have to get ready for bed.” He said suddenly, standing up. “Goodnight, Viktor.”

 

Then he ran down the hall as fast as he could. 

 

I frowned deeply.

 

Okay… who was this boy? And what had he done with my bubbly stripper?   
  


<><><>

 

It took me a moment after that to be reasonable again.

 

I had been expecting a lot. I wanted things with Yuuri to go a very particular way and was trying to force them. I was also not being very open with him. I had said I came to coach him. I couldn’t now demand to be his boyfriend. That wasn’t what I had advertised or what I had been asked for. I wasn’t even sure if that’s where this relationship was headed. I needed to give it time. I needed to do what I said I would. 

 

It was time to be a coach. A not entirely pure minded one, but oh well. There was no reason I couldn’t get to know Yuuri in the meantime. 

 

“Yuuri! Let’s sleep together.” I asked knocking on Yuuri’s bedroom door. “As your coach there’s so much I need to learn about you.”

 

He was literally hiding from me, but my intention really was to get to know him this time. I wanted to prove to him he could be around me normally. Maybe I was still rushing it by not waiting until morning, but to be honest, I was worried what time and space would do. 

 

“No!” Yuuri replied through the door, sounding like frightened child and surprising me by being so blunt. I wondered if he was being playful.

 

I heard him suddenly start rushing all over his room doing something with paper and I called his name once more before the sound drowned me out and I gave up. It was one night. I could try again with Yuuri in the morning. I urged Makka away from the door and toward our room.

 

It was so blank in there. A cushion on the floor, which I’m not used to. I usually stayed in beds even when I traveled, but I didn’t want to keep demanding things from the Katsukis. At least not tonight. 

 

I sighed and took off the robe they gave me before pulling on briefs from one of my boxes and crawling into bed with Makka. 

 

I plugged in my phone, briefly scrolling through my messages. 

 

Yuri wondered where I was, Chris asked me how it was going. I had been texting him recently, especially about Yuuri. He’d been really great about it. 

 

Still, I didn’t feel like answering and flicked my phone off before hugging Makka into my chest. 

 

“What if this is a bad idea, Makkachin?” I murmured in his ear in Russian. “Yuuri is treating me like an alien and I’m home sick. What if missing this season was the wrong choice?”

 

Makka whined and nuzzled me. Tears prickled in my eyes. 

 

Wow, I must be more homesick than I thought.

 

“I’m in this now, I guess.” I sighed. “I’ll give it more time. I was impulsive so maybe this is what I get. I just never expected Yuuri to feel like such a stranger to me. I thought there would be more of a reunion.” I sniff and close my eyes. “I’ve taken another risk Makkachin. I’m not sure if it will work out this time.”

 

He licked some of the tears off my cheek, and soon I fell asleep. 

 

<><><>

 

I managed to salvage some semblance of a good mood by morning. I tended to like starting new things. I made Yuuri run behind me with Makka as I biked in the direction of the skating rink Yuuri said he used. He was out of shape because he panted and barely kept up. 

 

I ignored him and greeted the town’s people. 

 

Was I stung about being hidden from the night before? Maybe a little

 

When I greeted the ice rink staff, it was stunned gasps and squeals all over again, but I didn’t really mind it this time. At least being in Hatsetsu made me feel special, like I was doing something amazing. Maybe that was enough motivation for me, while I waited for Yuuri to meet me halfway.

 

The next day I sat with Yuuri while he exercised, hoping for a chance to talk to him. He tells me about Minako, the woman I met my first night. She sounded like a pretty interesting person and I was a little jealous. 

 

“Do you have feelings for Minako?” 

 

I was put in a better mood when Yuuri aggressively denied it but it was short lived as he quickly steered me away from the topic of past romances as soon as he confirmed that he was single. 

 

Well at least I didn’t seem to have a lot of competition. Just a road block in the form of Yuuri himself. 

 

After that I made Yuuri take me sightseeing, which turned out to lead to some unexpected publicity. 

 

<><><>

 

By the next day Hatsetsu was swarmed with press and continued to be in the following days. I gave them all the same story about being inspired by Yuuri’s video and coming here to coach him. It made a better story than anything else, even if it was not the whole truth. 

 

But the visit I was most surprised by was not the press. 

 

“YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE DOING GREAT, VIKTOR!” comes the surprisingly aggressive shout from the edge of the rink.

 

I hadn’t noticed anyone come in while I was skating, and for a minute I was disoriented. I looked up to discover Yuri there. I was actually a little pleased by the familiar face and waved at him. 

 

“Yuri, you’re here? I’m surprised Yakov let you come.” I said cheerfully but the more I talked the more odd the visit seemed. “What do you want?”

 

Yuri gave me a shakingly furious glare.

 

I laughed a little. “Judging by that look, I’m guessing I forgot some promise I made?” Yuri is predictable. He often asked me to make him promises and I often forgot. I was not proud of it but he always got so mad which was a little funny. 

 

“What happened to choreographing a senior program for me like you promised!” He demanded, “I won the junior worlds so you have to do it just like you said!”

 

I blinked in bewilderment, moving to get off the ice. “When did you ask me to help you with that?” 

 

This made him even more mad.

 

He explained to me that it had been forever ago and the picture gets a little clearer for me. No wonder I forgot. He hadn’t even mentioned it.

 

“Sorry, sorry,” I apologized anyway, because despite everything I could tell this promise was actually important to him. “But you know how I forget things.”

 

“I’m painfully aware,” He grumbles, still barely controlling his temper. “But a promise is a promise! You’ll choreograph my new program Viktor! Let’s go back to Russia!”

 

A hush fell between the three of us, and in the sudden quiet Yuuri looked at me.

 

There was actually fear and hurt in his eyes and I was surprised. Apparently I had been making more progress getting close to him than I thought. 

 

I stopped to think. If he hadn’t reacted, I might have gone with Yuri. After all, I was homesick and Yuuri had been keeping me at arm’s length since getting here. Yuuri’s look, though, changed my mind. 

 

“Okay I’ve decided,” I said as a plan formed in my mind. 

 

The two skaters seemed surprised.

 

“I’ll choreograph a program for both of you. To the same music I’m using in my short program.”

 

Both of them jumped to start complaining. 

 

“This piece has different arrangements,” I explained, trying to stooth them, “I was trying to decide which one to use. I’ll think of a different program for each other you, of course.”

 

I smiled. I wanted to see if competition changed anything. Which life would fight harder for me? My life in Russia, or one with Yuuri. 

 

“I’ll reveal the programs in one week, and you’ll compete to see who can surprise the audience more.”

 

And who could surprise me.

 

“You have to do what the winner says!” Yuri demanded.

 

Excitement welled up in me. I liked the idea of that. What would Yuuri ask for, from me? What would be his motivation to win?

 

However, the event somewhat quickly got out of hand. 

 

<><><>

 

“It’s not like you care what I think anyway.” Yuuri was saying to the Russian Yuri when he decided to stay and I smiled and helped Yuuri bait him. 

 

I was surprised by how different Yuuri acts after Yuri Plisetsky arrived, and especially after he decided to stay. 

 

Some spirit and fire came out of him and suddenly he seemed much more willing to view him and me as being on one side together. 

 

I appreciated that more than I should have, especially since I was supposed to be judging the contest. 

 

At dinner that night though, I was still in a mood.

 

Yuri was being petulant and now I got no time to be alone with Yuuri and therefore made no progress toward being closer to him. 

 

It was however a little fun to not be the most out of place person anymore and to watch Yuri adjust like I had to. It’s even funnier when Yuuri’s sister makes Yuri Plisetsky go by Yurio to make it easier to refer to him.

 

I decided to play along, mostly because Yurio hated it but also because it really was easier. 

 

Then the sister lost all my admiration when she made Yuuri go help her, and took him out of the room. 

 

I pouted through the rest of dinner. 

 

<><><>

 

It’s not until I’m watching TV later that his sister walked by without Yuuri that I questioned where he was. 

 

“At times like this he’d be at Minako-san’s place or Ice Castle.” she told me.

 

I sat up. 

 

What does she mean at times like this?

 

“He’s always been that way.”

 

Always? I look toward the door as if I can see Yuuri beyond it. 

 

That’s right. Maybe I still don’t know much about Yuuri at all. 

 

But also maybe… there’s still time to change that. 

 

<><><>

 

I found Minako but Yuuri wasn’t with her. 

 

“She meant my ballet studio,” she explained when I asked. “When Yuuri gets anxious he always wants to practice, and I usually go with him. Ice Castle let’s him skate anytime it isn’t booked.”

 

A picture started to form in my mind. Of Yuuri, anxious Yuuri. Of someone who needed an escape and the support of a friend who watched out for him.

 

Would that be what it was like to be with Yuuri?

 

When I did find him it was a very quiet picture. Yuuri alone in Ice Castle, skating in a thoughtful silence. 

 

It was a pristine image and I didn’t want to ruin it. I found myself wandering into the staff room where I wouldn’t be seen and inside I found I was not the only viewer. 

 

The Nishigoris were there, and when I explained that I came to check on Yuuri they both fell into this strange parental mode.

 

They seemed eager to tell me about him, to explain what it was like for him and how he always went there and skated by himself. They seemed protective of him, and by the end of what they were saying I understood why.

 

I really had become his coach in their eyes, but not just a coach. A last hope. A hope on a dream he’d had for so long and wanted so badly. 

 

It made me remember again the look on Yuuri’s face the first time I spoke to him. 

 

That boy seemed a lot more like this one, and it seemed I was right that he had given up. That is until I came, and then his hopes fell with me. 

 

I had been misjudging things. 

 

Yuuri really did view me as a coach, and as a chance and he wasn’t the only one. His family and friends and home hoped with him and he carried all of that on his shoulders. He’d only ever gotten by on working very hard.

 

It was not a method that had brought him a lot of confidence. 

 

I had thought Yuuri was being cold to me but that wasn’t right. Yuuri was a much quieter and more serious person than I knew. He also lacked a confidence I thought he had. 

 

Yet I knew it was there, somewhere, and that was part of why I was going to be the one to help him.

 

“A spell to turn a piggy into a prince.” I murmured, and the couple looked at me in confusion. I just smiled. 

 

“Thank you. I feel I know a lot more about Yuuri now.” I told them, and headed back to Yu-topia with Makkachin.

 

For once I was going to think about Yuuri, and I was going to do what was right for him.

 

<><><>

 

I spent a lot of time on routines for Hot Springs On Ice as the event was being called. I thought about Yuuri and what I thought would help him. But I also thought about Yurio. 

 

He had things he could benefit from too, but the two problems they had were very different. 

I let them listen to the music-- to see if they could recognize their problems for themselves. 

 

Unsurprisingly, Yurio went for the confident song, the one that was more in his comfort zone, but that made Yuuri look nervous. 

 

In the end I let whatever side of me actually thought he could coach, take over. 

 

“You’re actually both far more ordinary and mediocre than you think. You need to be more self aware… If you aren’t up to my standards by next week I won’t coach either of you.” I winked, “But you’re both my fans so I think you’ll manage.”

 

They both looked stunned.

 

Yurio was the first to recover.

 

“Fine, I’ll skate to Agape,” He said, stepping forward to face me. “My senior debut depends on it. So you better give me a program that can win.”

 

There lies your problem, I thought. 

 

“Whether you win or not is up to you. It would be a winning program if I skated it,” I told him, and he glared.

 

“If I win, Viktor, you’re coming back to Russia!” Yurio snapped at me, clicking his skate. “And you’ll be my coach. That’s what I want!”

 

I smiled, because I knew that’s what he’d say but I wanted to laugh. I really had made everyone see me as a coach. How exactly had I done that?

 

“Sure.” I said, because it was fair, and if Yurio really won, maybe I should go back to Russia. Maybe I should coach him. 

 

I didn’t see that happening though. I had faith in Yuuri. 

 

“Yuuri, what about you?” I asked, because I wanted to hear it, and I wanted him to be motivated this time. “What would you like if you win?”

 

“I want to eat Katsudon with you,” Yuuri whispered, and my eyes widened in surprise.

“I want to keep winning, and I want to keep eating Katsudon. So I’ll skate to “Eros”, Viktor. I’ll give it all of the eros I’ve got!”

 

A warm smile filled my face, and excitement soared in my chest. 

 

That’s what I wanted to hear Yuuri, I think as I watch the fire that has finally lit in his eyes, I know you have it in you.

  
<><><>


	3. Eros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At dinner one night both of my new students looked out of it. Yuuri specifically didn’t even seem present at the table. I tried to stay cheerful and talkative, hoping he would come back out of himself soon.
> 
> Then he jumped up.
> 
> “Katsudon! That’s what eros is to me!”
> 
> A silence fell between all of us. 
> 
> I wanted to smack my forehead.

I told myself this very firmly. I was Yuuri’s COACH.

 

Showing Yuuri and Yurio their routines was not something I was bothered with. In fact, putting them together had been fun. Getting to choreograph again, and to think of someone else besides myself, what would be best for them, it was a new challenge that I liked. 

 

However, I had made the-- albeit genius-- decision of assigning Eros to Yuuri. Because I knew that the skate would require confidence. I knew he could do it and if he was doing it for skating he was more likely to succeed. 

 

That didn’t mean that the thought of discussing sexual love with Yuuri was not distracting. Choreographing moves I thought would make him look beautiful and desireable… I couldn’t help but picture the Yuuri from the banquet. How bold and striking he had been. 

 

This, however was not that Yuuri. So I focused on something else instead. 

 

He was going to watch me skate this, and I was going to be sure it looked good. 

 

I decided to do Yurio’s routine first. It calmed me down and reminded me I was here as a coach. That was easier to remember with Yurio around. I even sort of liked the idea of him looking up to me. 

 

Cocky as ever though he seemed almost unimpressed and not intimidated at all by my difficult steps. I wanted to roll my eyes but I sort of expected it and let it go.

 

“Yuuri it’s your turn,” I told him. “Focus.”

 

Focus on me.

 

“Yes!” He called, only he accidently slipped into japanese but I understood him. I started the next track.

 

My favorite part of the routine was smirking at him. I gave Yuuko a nosebleed. Oops? 

 

Yuuri looked a little stunned and embarrassed when I was done. 

 

“How was that?” I asked him, curious what he would say.

 

“It was very Eros,” He told me, blushing and I wanted to laugh.

 

“Right? As far as composition, what quads can you land?”

 

“The toe loop, and the salchow in practice but not in competition.”

 

I frowned at that. Yuuri could be so much better. 

 

I told him go back to the basics, including the admittedly low blow of telling him I was going to focus on Yurio first. I wanted to see him jealous, fighting to impress me. 

 

For once I actually meant those words as a coach.

 

Yuuri seemed disappointed but I did think he was motivated. I decided to try and direct his energy. 

 

“How many times have you messed up during a competition?” I leaned closer to Yuuri to see his eyes, some of my genuine desperation slipping into my tone. “You have the skill to win. Why can’t you make it happen?”

 

“Well, that’s probably because…” His voice dropped and he looked ashamed, “I lack confidence.”

 

That was my conclusion too. At least he can see it. 

 

“Right,” I eased off a little, to comfort him. He just looked too sad. “My job is to make you feel confident in yourself.”

 

I wanted to do that, I wanted to see that again. 

 

I moved closer to him and he looked up at me in surprise because I was already quite close. 

 

His lips parted and I couldn’t resist reaching my hand up and running my thumb over his bottom lip.

 

It was firm and warm, but soft at the same time. I fought off my reaction to that, but my eyelids drooped lower. A bubble seemed to form around him and me as I admired his lips, and his eyes.

 

“No one in the whole wide world knows your true eros, Yuuri.” I whispered, leaning until our noses almost touched, our eyes locked together so I could watch the emotions that flickered through his. “It may be an alluring side of you that you yourself are unaware of.” 

 

I wanted to kiss him. I couldn’t. Not with him looking at me like he’s terrified. 

 

“Can you show me what it is soon?” I pleaded, my heart beating faster. I wished he could know the effect he had on me. 

 

“Hey Victor!” Yurio shouted and the bubble is popped a little violently, but I didn’t want to let Yuuri go. “Aren’t you teaching me first?”

 

I stepped away and managed to keep a smile on my face. Because Yuuri looked dumbstruck so maybe he was affected by me too. 

 

“Right.” I told Yurio, and turned to Yuuri one last time. “So Yuri, think long and hard about what eros is to you.”

 

Yuuri balked and I almost wanted to laugh. How was he so different sober than he was when he’s drunk? Looking at him now you would think he had no confidence at all. But someone who can pole dance like Yuuri did, has some confidence hiding somewhere. Alcohol isn’t that powerful.

 

<><><>

  
  


Over the following days and weeks I really did start feeling like a coach. I started to see where they needed to be taught, and I started to have instincts of how to teach them. It wasn’t easy though. Yurio didn’t understand me when I tried to get him to reign in his confidence. Yuuri was still too hesitant as he tried to capture eros. They knew their problems, but they wouldn’t break through, and it was difficult to watch them hit that wall.

 

I tried to stay positive though, about a lot of things. 

 

Yuuri did talk to me more, let me in more, now that I was coaching him-- but could tell there was still a wall between us.

 

He was so polite and careful. He was quiet most of the time and embarrassed the rest. I liked embarrassed Yuuri. He was cute, but he was also distant. He didn’t show me anything of himself, as if he was afraid. 

 

He didn’t need to be afraid of me, I tried to show him that. I waited for him to see it. 

 

At dinner one night both of my new students looked out of it. Yuuri specifically didn’t even seem present at the table. I tried to stay cheerful and talkative, hoping he would come back out of himself soon.

 

Then he jumped up.

 

“Katsudon! That’s what eros is to me!”

 

A silence fell between all of us. 

 

I wanted to smack my forehead.

 

“Okay,” I chuckled, trying to hide the hurt I felt. The plain shock. I clearly didn’t know the things Yuuri felt. Everything that had happened between us at the banquet… I must have not understood him at all. Perhaps it was time I forgot what happened. It sure seemed as if Yuuri had.  “Let’s go with that. It’s unique at least.”

 

Yuuri looked humiliated and Yurio teased him. Next thing I knew he was going out for a run.

 

Makkachin went with him as if he new my heart. I finished dinner quietly. 

 

I couldn’t afford to get discouraged. I was actually starting to be a good coach, and there was a long week ahead of me. 

<><><>

 

My motivation didn’t last long.

 

If possible, Yuuri seemed more distant now. I think he was a little embarrassed about his eros declaration. It definitely hadn’t given him more confidence, the program still lacked form for him and it was obvious. 

 

Yurio on the other hand was no better. He was actively fighting accepting agape. Trying to make up for it in skill as if I wouldn’t notice. By the end of the week I was wondering if I was really being good coach for either of them.

 

I sent them to a waterfall. Mostly because I thought Yurio needed to stop trying to hide behind his skill and just think, and I was just having a hard time being with Yuuri. After they left I stayed behind, taking a walk with Makkachin and exploring the town.

 

It was a nice place. The cries of the sea gulls made me homesick, but the ocean was beautiful and the people were very kind. I was amazed at how much support they were giving our event.

 

After a while I went to go get dinner. It was delicious and I had little bit of fun just being a tourist for the evening. That is until I found a place that served sake and before long I was getting very drunk.

 

My thoughts were getting to me. I wanted to stop thinking. 

 

I had tried to stretch Yuuri and Yurio by making them face their weakness but what if I was just forcing them into something that would cause them to fail, and hurt their momentum as athletes? 

 

Aside from that… What was I setting myself up for with this competition?

 

If neither of them could understand, what did I do then? Who’s wish did I grant? What would I do with the season?

 

And Yuuri… I was making no progress with him. He felt like a stranger and he was hesitant around me in everything he did. Everything I learned about him was from watching or talking to others. Never once had he tried to get close to me himself and I was starting to wonder if he even still wanted me around. 

 

I closed my eyes and swallowed another drink.

 

I needed to stop thinking. 

 

<><><>

 

I woke up late the next morning and was late to practice. Yakov would have murdered me for that if I was a student let alone now that I was the coach. I wondered if the boys were going to be mad at me.

 

I looked through the windows of the doors leading to the rink. My eyes widened.

 

They were working together. 

 

Yurio was trying to teach Yuuri a quadruple salchow. It didn’t look like it was going well but I was still impressed. Yuuri had been bold enough to ask his competion for help and Yurio had been kind enough to actually help him. Maybe there were learning more than I gave them credit for.

 

I pushed through the door. 

 

“Sorry I’m late! What are you two working on?”

 

They scattered like I’d caught them doing something wrong.

 

I blinked in surprise and then sort of smiled. My chest felt warmer than it had all week. 

 

<><><>

 

At practice that day, Yurio had changed.

 

I saw it in his eyes that he was beginning to understand. That he was suddenly willing to work hard, to be appreciative. Sometimes he was almost vulnerable. 

 

I was so proud. Almost too much for words. I was having fun watching Yurio grow, and this development made me feel like every ounce of work had been worth it. I was starting to understand the appeal of being a coach. 

 

So then… maybe it wouldn’t be bad… going back to russia and coaching Yurio. 

 

I looked down, and then toward Yuuri who was getting a drink in between practicing. 

 

He had a similar expression to mine. Thoughts all over his face. 

 

Yuuri… are you going to let me leave you? After all of this…

 

I turned back to Yurio. 

 

He was an incredible skater, but he was fifteen. He had time. I believed I’d always have him as a friend.

 

I thought back to the first time I saw Yuuri’s face in person. I thought if he lost here, and I walked away… that would be the end for him. I would probably never see him again. 

 

I sat down on the bench and shook my head. 

 

The competition wasn’t over yet. Still, whatever happened was out of my hands. A terrifying thought. 

<><><>

 

Things first started to change the night my old costumes arrived from Russia.

 

Yuuri was ecstatic and I was surprised. 

 

I had thought at one point he was a fan of mine. I had gotten that impression a few times. That night though, when he recognized all my costumes and seemed dazzled to be seeing them in person… I started to wonder if I had been missing something. 

 

The one he honed in on was my junior costume. One I had worn right before the senior division.

 

I explained to him, that one had been designed differently because of my long hair back then. At that time I had (being perhaps bolder than I even was currently) asked them to suggest both female and male genders with the costume. It had turned out beautifully.

 

“I chose this one!”

 

I looked into Yuuri’s smiling face, and there was a sudden fire there again.

 

“It’s all yours.” I murmured as he gazed down at it with determination. 

 

Yuuri… I wish I could see inside your mind.

 

<><><>

 

What was going to happen today? I thought as Yurio’s skates bounced against the floor. What was going to happen?I felt more nervous than I had for competitions I was actually in.

 

I looked up as Yuuko came to fetch Yurio and my stomach knotted. 

 

It was time.

 

I glanced at Yuuri.

 

He looked good with his hair slicked back like that, and with no glasses on he looked strangely more sure of himself. 

 

I hoped, somehow, he WAS sure. I hoped he had something to show me.

 

Fight for me Yuuri.

 

I followed Yurio out into the rink.The crowd's cheers were thunderous. 

 

Yurio skated out onto the ice, and I was surprised by how he looked. So completely absorbed, and serious.

 

I made me wonder how bad he wanted this, how much he cared. 

 

I’m sorry Yurio… Maybe I hadn’t been giving you enough credit. All this time… you’ve been worried too. I’m glad you’re finally starting to show it. I feel like I’m starting to really know you. No matter what happens, I will keep watching out for you. 

 

The song began.

 

Yurio’s performance was beautiful. He truly let himself flow through the program and not just the technique. Sometimes I saw looks on his face like he might be being hard on himself. I felt almost sorry but I also felt touched.

 

How much the proud kitten has changed. 

 

The program ended, and Yurio looked tired and strangely tense. I couldn’t help calling out to him. 

 

“Yurio!” he turned to look at me. “That was the best performance I’ve seen from you so far!” I shouted, smiling at him. “Go on, greet the audience!”

 

His face was flushed but he bowed and then gave the audience a wide smile.

 

I smiled too. He was growing so fast. 

 

Suddenly I glanced around. 

 

It was almost Yuuri’s turn. Where was he?

 

I looked into the audience and spied him, so I hurried to move towards him. 

 

By the time I reached him, he looked distraught.

 

“Yuuri.” I said gently, my lips forming a smile. “It’s your turn.”

 

He jolted up to look at me with a squeak and quickly covered his mouth.

 

It nearly kissed him it was so adorable. 

 

“U-um, I’m…” he started to stutter, managing to look me in the eyes. “I’m going to become a super tasty katsudon. So please watch me!” 

 

My eyes widened a little.

 

Yuuri… 

 

His arms went around me, hugging my shoulders tightly and I was so surprised I didn’t even move. I just kept looking forward, but my heart started to pound.

 

I hadn’t… been expecting this. 

 

“Promise!” he said in my ear. 

 

I swallowed. 

 

As If I could do anything else, Yuuri. Have you really not noticed, even now?

 

“Of course.” I murmured lowly, turning my eyes too look at him. 

 

Please don’t make me leave him now. Not after this. 

 

“I love katsudon.”

 

Yuuri hugged me tighter for one second before he released me and pulled off his sweats to head onto the ice. I turned after him to watch. 

 

I don’t know how to predict you, Yuuri. You are such a surprise. 

 

The spot light descended on him, and he took his place on the ice. My heart was pounding in my ears as the music started to play. 

 

Yuuri’s head turned, and he smirked at me. 

 

My body warmed and a whistle passes through my lips. 

 

So this is where you have been hiding him, huh Yuuri? You sure have kept me waiting. 

 

I recognized instantly that something about the routine had changed. I didn’t know exactly when he had put it together but I could see the difference.

 

What had Yuuri said he saw in the routine? A playboy and a seductive woman? 

 

Oh Yuuri. You’re going to kill me. You’re seductive enough when you’re not even trying. What am I going to do with you now? 

 

But you finally saw it didn’t you? You’re own way in, your own confidence. Who you are on the ice.

 

My heart clenched. So then, who is your playboy, Yuuri?

 

I thought of his smirk in my direction.

 

If you’re trying to seduce me you’re far too late. I fell to your charms a long time ago. 

 

For a while I’m lost in his movements, the changes he’s made. It’s only when his hand touches the ice after his jump that I feel a twinge of distraction. 

 

Apparently more of me had turned into coach Viktor than I had thought. 

 

By the time the skate is over I rushed to the exit of the rink. 

 

I held out my arms. 

 

“Yuuri!” Thank you for fighting for me. My arms go around him. 

 

“That was the tastiest katsudon I’ve ever seen. Wonderful.” I squeezed him. “But…” I pulled back. “Can I say something?”

 

“Umm sure,” he said, sounding flustered.  

 

Coach Viktor comes out with a vengeance and before I know it, Yuuri falls back onto the ice.

 

“Yuuri?”

 

<><><>

 

Yurio was gone by the time I announced Yuuri as the winner, but I’m not surprised. I just hoped to see him again soon, and I’m proud of how much he has matured, in such a short time. 

 

I stepped up to the podium with Yuuri, and in that moment, I knew I had found my place again.

 

Not because of the podium, though that had been my place for a long, long time now. Because I was at Yuuri’s side. The Yuuri who had fought for me and won. Who seduced me all over again.

 

I felt the wall between us cracking, and when he started to get nervous-- looking out at all the people-- my arm went around him and I felt him relax.

 

My heart swelled in my chest. I had definitely found my place. 

  
<><><>


	4. On my Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is important to me because this episode was important to me. I felt like it showed so much change in their relationship and showed me so much of what the show was really about and it is very close to my heart. I hope you enjoy my interpretation of it.

Yuuri was very late.

 

I chose not to wake him up in the morning. We didn’t usually go to the rink together. The morning was time for him to run and for me to prepare, and we met on the ice when we were both ready. 

 

We did have a time set though, and Yuuri had missed it by a margin.

 

The doors were thrown open. 

 

“I’m sorry! I overslept!” Yuuri’s voice was frantic, “Are you mad?”

 

I just smiled. I teased him, and he apologized and I laughed. I told him that rest was important, and he looked at me like he could hardly believe his eyes. 

 

It wasn’t a bad look. I didn’t mind it. 

 

We needed to put together Yuuri’s free program now, and I wanted him to participate. But it seemed like he was going to be reluctant to give any of his opinions to me. He seemed to think I would know best no matter what, and I took it as a compliment, but I thought he was missing the point a little. 

 

He looked up to me because of my success, my success came from the way I personalized my programs to fit myself. It was time for him to do the same. 

 

But I was learning about him. Everyday I spent with him I understood him a little more. It wasn’t a quick process-- in fact it was mostly trial and error-- but I was getting there. Yuuri was showing me more, and I was understanding it. Slowly. 

 

Like how I could tell when Yuuri was distracted, because he was incapable of making his jumps and thinking at the same time. 

 

“Do you have something on your mind?” I asked him when he fell, but he brushed me off.

 

So I was still doing the heavy lifting in bringing Yuuri and I closer together.

 

When practice was done we often spent the evening in the bath together. It relaxed both of us and gave us time to talk. Usually Yuuri didn’t offer too much but he would listen to me. Tonight I wanted to talk to him about something he wasn’t going to like.

 

“Why?” Yuuri demanded when I suggested lowering the program’s jump difficulty. He turned and saw I was stretching and looked away. Or maybe it was because I was naked. “I need those jumps if I want to win.”

 

It was this sort of attitude I was frustrated with. I saw where it came from but in a lot of ways Yuuri ignored his strengths because he was trying to push himself to be impressive in ways that were more widely accepted. He’d always been better at PCS but he couldn’t get over the idea that he should be good at jumps too. That he wouldn’t be good until he could do both. 

 

I tried to talk him out of it, but I don’t think he heard me at all. In fact he suddenly looked crushed and stopped talking to me. 

 

I changed my approach. 

 

“Yuuri, do you know why I decided to be your coach?” 

 

That must have intrigued him because he looked up at me with curious eyes. I took the opportunity to lift his arms and bring him closer to me, so that I could meet his gaze.  “I was drawn to the way your body moved like it was making music, like you were releasing it with your movement. I thought that you needed a difficult program that utilized that ability, and I could give you that.” I pulled him all the way up out of the water. “And the short program proved that I was right!”

 

My explanation didn’t include the other reasons why I came here, but that WAS what I saw in him as his coach. He was a beautiful skater. Not as technically skilled as some, but I didn’t know if I’d ever seen anyone make choreography and music in a program look so bonded. He was amazing at that, and he didn’t appreciate it at all. Maybe that’s why he was so insecure. He couldn’t see his talents. 

 

I stepped into the pool, trying to hide my sudden desire to touch him under the pretense of helping him stretch like I had been doing. 

 

“Now we’re moving on to the free program,” I explained, sliding my hand up his calf as I lifted his leg higher. “And I think you should produce this one yourself.”

 

I wanted to see what Yuuri would express, if he could come out and express himself. He didn’t do it much and I wanted to know. What did he think? What did he feel? If he could combine his own emotions with his ability to skate I think would make for his strongest program ever, because what little disconnect remained between him and the routine would be gone. 

 

“What? But my coach has always chosen my music,” Yuuri protested, looking embarrassed, possibly from my touching. “I wouldn’t know where to start.”

 

I started stretching him a little more aggressively as I tired of his protests and argued with him about why he should do it himself. I didn’t really notice we had been making a scene until I saw and audience of men watching us from inside.

 

I almost laughed but according to Yuuri our bath was over. 

 

<><><>

 

To be honest it didn’t make any sense to be jealous of Yuuri’s old coach. 

 

That didn’t mean I wasn’t.

 

Yuuri called Celestino to clear the air now that I was his coach and he was coming back to skating. He was afraid the italian would be mad which I was surprised by. Yuuri hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d made a change that suited his career better. Exactly as he should have done. 

 

I watched Yuuri talk and tried not to be annoyed. 

 

When he started saying he was sorry I was coaching him, I interrupted. 

 

“Why didn’t you let Yuuri produce his own programs?” I asked, staying cheerful even though the italian didn’t seem to like me or take me seriously as a coach. Ignored him. I knew I was better for Yuuri.

 

He explained to me that he did give his skaters the option to produce but Yuuri never took him up on it. Which to be honest didn’t surprise me. What kind of DID surprise me was the one exception when Yuuri brought in a song that a friend had composed for him. However, apparently Yuuri wouldn’t stick behind it and it wasn’t used in the end. 

 

I was somewhat lost in thought after that, as Yuuri finished the conversation. 

 

When I finally looked over I realized Yuuri looked happy about talking to the Italian. I got a little jealous and leaned into his ear.

 

“Why did you never mention it?” I pouted to Yuuri about the song, in a way that usually made him adorably flustered and then he gave me what I asked for.

 

It worked again and I was proud of myself for correctly predicting Yuuri. 

 

However, the next day he showed me the song. I unfortunately couldn’t back it for him either. It was just too bland. I told him to keep looking.

 

That’s when he started drifting away. 

 

<><><>

 

It was slow, it started with him just being more stressed at practice, then turned into him snapping at me if I asked the wrong questions.

 

I was trying so hard to understand him, but during that time it was like everything I did made things worse. It was terrifying. 

 

Then one day I said something that really seemed to upset him and he completely avoided me all the rest of that day. 

 

It didn’t matter what I said or asked him to do to try and make up for things. He was quiet and cold and then went straight to bed, shutting me out. 

 

I finally gave him space after that, but the next morning he didn’t show up to practice and my patience broke. It was once thing to be cold to me, it was another for him to completely blow off practice. I was storming up to his room when I heard him from inside.

 

He shouted that the guilt was going to kill him.

 

I sighed and calmed myself with a breath before opening the door. 

 

“Let’s skip practice today.” I told him, easing myself into being cheery, trying to remember he was having a hard time. That I had helped push him into it. “We could go to the ocean.”

 

Yuuri agreed nervously.

 

At least that was an improvement. He really must have felt guilty. 

 

We ended up walking on the beach. We walked in silence for a while with Makkachin running ahead of us while I waited for Yuuri to try and explain things. He never did so finally I sat down in the sand with Makkachin and waited for him to join me. 

 

I looked out over the water and thought of a careful way to approach him.

 

I told him about the seagulls, how they made me miss home and how I regretted that I hadn’t appreciated home more before I left it. I asked him if he could understand what I meant, and I was surprised when he started telling me a story. 

 

It was about a girl who had tried to be close to Yuuri, but he’d always dislike her for it. One day when he was really upset she tried to be there and he pushed her away. I could tell he felt bad, because he had been rude, but he still seemed irritated with her behavior even now. I asked him why and he told me it was because she intruded. 

 

She had made him feel weak, trying to push her way into what he was feeling when he didn’t want her too, making him feel like she thought he was fragile. I was surprised. 

 

I DID know that Yuuri liked to push himself and wasn’t a fan of coddling, and maybe it was just because I wasn’t a fan of it either that I had never noticed how deep it went. 

 

Yuuri wanted to be strong. He had insecurities but he didn’t want anyone to see them and he certainly didn’t want them to define him. He wanted to overcome the things that held him back. 

 

I admired that about him. I recognized that it sometimes made him act against his own strengths, but I was impressed that he never let himself be limited, not by anything. He was always willing to push more. Even if he sometimes doubted he’d succeed, he’d still rather try. 

 

That was what made Yuuri such a strong person. 

 

I told him that I didn’t think he was weak, that no one did, but he had gotten quiet again.

 

“Yuuri,” I tried to get his attention again, by asking something that I had wondered for a long time but was mildly terrified of the answer. “What do you want me to be to you?”

 

Yuuri’s eyebrows furrowed with thought, like he wasn’t sure how to answer, and I wondered how he saw me. As a rival? As an older man?

 

I prompted him gently. 

 

“A father figure?” 

 

“No.” Yuuri said quickly, firmly.

 

Thank god.

 

“A brother? Just a friend?”

 

There was every chance he would answer yes to that. It was a pretty reasonable thing to say given our current acquaintance so I tried to remind myself that even if he said yes, I still had time to change his mind about me. 

 

To my surprise and delight, though, he frowned and seemed unsatisfied with that description.  

 

I smiled and my devious side came out a little. 

 

“So your boyfriend then.” I said dramatically, “I’ll try my best.”

 

Yuuri jumped up in surprise. 

 

“What? No, no, no!” he waved his hands around. I kept smiling.

 

Maybe I should have been offended but I had expected that reaction. Given our currently relationship there was no way Yuuri would have answered yes, and I said it as a joke. 

 

What made me smile was that he could have been disgusted with me, or just gotten uncomfortable, but he hadn’t. He had gotten shy and embarrassed like when I gave him a compliment. Like he didn’t know what to say and felt weird accepting it. 

 

I laughed a little.

 

“I want you to stay who you are, Viktor!” Yuuri said suddenly and I looked up with curious eyes.

 

He was finally looking at me, and he was blushing. 

 

“I’ve always looked up to you.” He said, and looked away shyly, and a little guilty. “I ignored you because I didn’t want you to see my shortcomings.” He looked back at me, determined. “I’ll make it up to you with my skating!”

 

I admired his beautiful blushing face and thought I understood. The wall I felt… it had been there because he thought I was better than him, and he didn’t want me to see he wasn’t good enough.

 

He was wrong, of course. He was good enough and always had been. Still though, I could tell he was willing to accept me now. That he understood that he had pushing me away and wanted that to change. 

 

I knew because he was determined to do it that he would. He always did. 

 

I smiled and offered him my hand. 

 

“Okay,” I agreed, waiting for him to take it. “I won’t let you off easy, then. That’s how I show my love.”

 

Yuuri smiled back at that and my heart warmed. His hand slid into mine, and it was like his wall had vanished all together. 

 

<><><>

 

I was starting to understand Yuuri. 

 

In the following days I didn’t feel like I was fighting so hard to keep him from running away from me. I could predict the things that would make him happy and knew how to approach the things that would make him mad. I could see excitement in the way that he looked or talked and I knew when I could tease him and when he needed me to take him seriously. 

 

Most of all I was learning that Yuuri loved a challenge, and he would never back down if I offered one to him. His confidence came out in the form of determination, not cockiness, and that in itself was a beautiful quality. 

 

“She’s going to redo the music,” Yuuri was telling me one day before practice, about his friend who was composing his song for the program. I encouraged him and he blushed. 

 

“Until it’s done…” Yuuri added nervously. Then he looked me square in the face. “Please teach me all the jumps you can do!”

 

Yes. He LOVED a challenge.

 

“Victor, please let me do that one more time.” Yuuri asked me firmly after an entire afternoon of practicing jumps. 

 

I was too winded to groan like I would have liked to. 

 

“Wow… hasn’t it been tens of thousands of times?” I complained, sweating and panting and feeling a little offended at his calm and collected expression.

 

He had the grace to at least look a little sorry. 

 

“Just thirteen.”

 

He had been counting? 

 

“I’ve been thinking this for a while,” I admitted, dusting off my skates as I caught my breath. “But you have pretty good stamina.”

 

Why are you trying to use it to kill me when there were plenty of better outlets? I wondered silently. 

 

Yuuri laughed a little, embarrassed. “Well, I have that, at least.”

 

“You said you eat when you’re nervous,” I reasoned, “And you haven’t had any major injuries. You’re also younger than me.” Was I trying to comfort myself? Maybe.

 

Then his finger poked the top of my head.

 

I froze, mostly just surprised, and he immediately started to apologize.

 

I frowned a little.

 

I had always wanted him to touch me, but he chose to touch the part in my hair? Why that? Of all the things?

 

“Is it getting that thin?” I pouted, and he got flustered and started showering me in comfort and compliments. 

 

“I’m wounded, I can’t recover from this,” I hammed up, sinking onto the ice like I was terminal. 

 

Yuuri got down and started bowing and apologizing and it was possibly the only thing in the world that could soothe my ego but I kept teasing him for another few minutes, just for fun. 

 

<><><>

When the song was finally done, Yuuri threw himself into my room in the middle of the night.

 

Now, I had actually wanted him to visit me in the night plenty of times. However, I didn’t imagine it to be so loud, or for him to bring his laptop.

 

I didn’t complain though, because he was so excited for me to hear it and the fact that he felt comfortable coming to show me like that was a sign he’s starting to trust our relationship and that made me happy.

 

Besides, the song ended up being incredible. Well worth the interruption-- so was the smile Yuuri gave me when he saw that I liked it. 

 

I heard him in the music, and it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. 

 

The next day we worked hard with the music to make the program come together but at the end of practice all that was left was discussing the composition. 

 

We went back and forth, with Yuuri pushing for difficulty and me trying to make him choose something more reasonable. 

 

I quickly learned the best way to get him to go along with my ideas was to bait him a little. When I told him that if he wanted it to be difficult we should add a quad at the end, he resisted at first.

 

“With your stamina you could pull it off,” I encouraged, and leaned closer challengingly “But if you’d rather not…”

 

He leaned toward me, not backing down. “I’ll do it!”

 

“Good.”

 

I turned away before I remembered.

 

“Did you change the musical theme?” I asked and he looked down like he was embarrassed. “What is it?” I prompted.

 

He met my eyes, and his expression became more solid. 

 

“The theme is, “On my Love.”” 

 

I smiled, because somehow he always surprised me.

 

I so loved surprises. 

 

“That’s the best theme.” I told him, and his eyes warmed.

<><><>

 

When the GP series assignments were announced I was happy because everyone got together to celebrate Yuuri. 

 

His friends and his family threw a little party and we all talked about the upcoming months. 

 

It was fun, and it was also hard. Realizing who Yuuri would face while also realizing I would be away from Makkachin again, and that it was the first series I didn’t have assignments of my own.

 

I shook it off. 

 

Yuuri got upset at the reminder that he would have to qualify in domestic competitions first because apparently that brought up bad memories. 

 

However he was much more upset when Yuuko made a joke that people would hate him for taking me out of the running by making me his coach. 

 

She used the expression “Stole me” which made me smile. 

 

Oh yes. He definitely stole me away. 

 

I tried to comfort him with an arm on his shoulder, but I found it funny he didn’t deny it, he just seemed embarrassed to have it pointed out. 

 

I had another of my urges to kiss him, but it still wasn’t time.

 

In the following days Yuuri worked harder than ever, and was deeply thoughtful during practice. 

 

I caught him looking at me sometimes in this way… and I could never describe it but it was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. 

 

I wanted him to look at me like that always. I wanted to always feel that special under his eyes.

 

But even though watching him work so hard made me proud it made me worry. I watched how hard he pushed himself and I knew the consequences of that work. I saw him try to hide the wounds and pain from me, but I noticed. 

 

I never commented though. Some choices have to be made alone. 

 

One afternoon, after Yuuri had been even more quiet than usual, I opened the disc player and noticed the CD inside was still blank. 

 

I looked at Yuuri.

 

“You haven’t named the piece.” I told him, “What will it be?”

 

He came over to me and looked down at the disc for a moment, before he started to write. 

 

“Yuuri on Ice.”

 

I smiled. 

 

“Perfect.”

 

“Victor?”

 

I looked up and him, and he met my eyes. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

My chest felt tight. 

 

“Your welcome, Yuuri.” 

 

He looked at me like he wanted to say more, and I looked back at him because so did I. 

 

Neither of us said anything, but we went home together, and we were both smiling. 

  
<><><>


	5. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was one of my favorites when it came out but I forgot how much I loved it until now. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy my take on it.

I decided it was time to start touching Yuuri. I wasn’t that I hadn’t been touching him up until then; it was just that I hadn’t made it routine. I’d been mostly been testing the waters. 

 

I decided now that I needed to touch Yuuri went it felt right, so he could understand what I was feeling, and so that we might be able to grow closer. 

 

It was an exciting time. 

 

When Yuuri’s costume for the free program came, it made it even better. 

 

“Try it on for me,” I begged and Yuuri blushed a little but went into his room to put it on. 

 

I waited in the hallway, smiling at his shyness when we spent at least 10% of our time in a bath together. 

 

When he was dressed, he stepped back out and I smiled hugely. 

 

“It looks amazing!” I told him, moving around him to admire the colors and the way it fit him. 

 

Yuuri blushed very red. 

 

“Y-you think so?”

 

“Yes.” I ran a hand over the back of his shoulders like I was feeling the uniform but it made my heart jump when Yuuri tensed, and then relaxed. “Can I style your hair?”

 

“I thought we decided to keep the style the same for both routines?” Yuuri pointed out. “It’s easier.”

 

“Yes it is,” I agreed, “And your hair looks wonderful like that. I just want to see it.”

 

Yuuri looked away shyly but nodded. “If you say so.”

 

I had him sit down in front of the tv so that he wouldn’t get bored as I started combing through his dark hair. 

 

He really was beautiful. People who didn’t look close enough missed it, but they were foolish. 

 

Yuuri Katsuki was very beautiful. 

 

“Viktor?” Yuuri asked and I hadn’t noticed he turned the TV off.

 

“Hmm?”  

 

“I think I know why I beat Yurio during the hot springs event.”

 

My combing slowed. Had that been in question until now?

 

“Why?” I asked curiously, but tried to stay focused on his hair. I really did love it slicked back. 

 

“Every loss I’ve ever had,” Yuuri murmured, “I knew that I deserved them. I was never angry, I never felt it was unfair. I always blamed my own shortcomings or I just believed the other skaters were better than me and it was just that simple. I hated losing, but there had never really been a cost to it. It was just something that happened.”

 

I listened quietly, unsure of what he was trying to say.

 

“When you got here,” Yuuri started and my attention peaked. “It sort of didn’t feel real to me. There was no way that something like that was happening to me, it just seemed impossible. So even though I knew you were here it’s was like I just couldn’t accept it as fact. Until Yurio showed up.”

 

“He had no doubt you could be his coach.” Yuuri murmured. “To him it seemed ridiculous that you WEREN’T. Suddenly it just seemed so real that you would leave with him, and I…” He hesitates. “I guess the idea that I could lose you made you more real to me.”

 

I wasn’t sure why he was saying all of this but it made a little bit of sense it me. It explained the distance between us, during my first few weeks here at least. 

 

“So you’re saying I’m real to you now?” I asked gently and he shook his head, nearly ruining what I was doing. 

 

“No. I mean, yes, but that wasn’t my point.” Yuuri sighed. “You were the cost of losing for me, and I think that’s why I beat Yurio. I knew what it was like to lose, and this time I really knew what I would be losing and it was too big of a cost for me. I couldn’t accept it. That’s why I beat him.”

 

“Because you wanted it more?” I tried. 

 

“Because the risk of losing was more real to me.” Yuuri clarified. 

 

I smiled.

 

“There was more to it than that.” I encouraged. “Yurio had a lesson he was still learning, but you put everything into making that routine your own.”

 

“Yeah,” Yuuri agreed quietly. “But he was really amazing too.”

 

“Yes.” I agreed. “He scares me a little sometimes.”

 

Yuuri laughed at that. “I’m glad I’m not the only one.”

 

I smiled at the sound and finished his hair.

 

“There.”

 

He got up to look in the mirror, costume and all, and I admired him from behind.

 

His eyes widened a little like he was surprised.

 

He really didn’t see himself clearly, I thought. He only saw the shyest, smallest part of himself and he was so much more. I hoped I could get him to understand someday.

 

He said something in japanese.

 

“What?” I asked in english and he turned around with a bashful smile.

 

“I don't remember how to say it in english.”

 

I laughed at that. I knew the feeling. There were a lot of things I wished I could say to him in Russian, but he wouldn’t understand me. 

 

There were a lot of things I wanted say BECAUSE he wouldn’t understand me, but I still didn’t, because the internet could always betray me.

 

“Let’s show everyone else.” I reached for his hand to tugged him towards the kitchen and his cheeks flamed. 

 

“Viktor, I don’t want to make a big deal out of--,” 

 

“Hey, some of your family can’t come to competitions in person. They should get to see you up close now, don’t you think?”

 

Yuuri deflates a little but stops struggling as I pull him from the room.

 

<><><>

  
  


My new drive to bring Yuuri and me closer extended not just to being more honest with when I wanted to touch him, but also to the things that I said.

 

Not all the time, because part of what brought Yuuri and me close was that he felt safe talking to me. However when I did saw particular opportunities I decided to be bold. Particularly when I had a reasonable excuse. 

 

Yuuri still practiced his Eros routine most days to make it better before competitions started, and while I played along with the idea that Yuuri was being the katsudon-- even though I had started to wonder how much even he thought that-- I also played into the the more tempting side of his performance.

 

“That’s right,” I told him as he did his step sequence particularly well. I smiled and the fluid, soft movements of his body. “Now, dance more like you’re trying to seduce me.”

 

Yuuri in Eros mode was the only Yuuri that didn’t overreact to me saying things like that, so I tended to take advantage of it whenever possible.

 

Sometimes I wished I could be just as bold when were weren’t skating. Maybe then he would see that I really meant it but I didn’t want him to be scared again so I settled for smaller gestures. Flattery, slightly suggestive teasing, but nothing there wasn’t an excuse for. 

 

Yuuri still sometimes blushed but mostly he laughed and I took that as a good sign. He could sometimes even be a little bit feisty back at me. 

 

I took that as a VERY good sign. 

  
  


Throughout all of this I felt things changing between us, but never so much that I felt like I could let go completely. 

 

Yuuri seemed to look at me more, seemed to acknowledge a bond between us. Seemed to like to be alone with me. 

 

He never initiated anything, though, and I felt like unless I had clearer signals I needed to wait for him. I felt being older and being his coach put him in a weird position if I came on too strong. So I could only hope Yuuri would give me some sign of what he wanted soon.

 

The closer the competitions grew though the more distracted he became and I couldn’t blame him, so I focused on being his coach. He was becoming so strong, and I was happy just to see it. 

 

There would be time for everything else. 

 

<><><>

  
  


The domestic championships came quickly and me and Yuuri started struggling a bit. I was happy that at least it was more of a rough patch than a setback, but Yuuri was wildly distracted and my attempts to calm him made think I wasn’t taking him seriously.

 

I just didn’t want to pressure him. He could easily win these qualifiers and the GP series would be so much more stressful so he should relax and have fun if he could. Apparently though because of how he did at nationals, Yuuri was ashamed and feels the need to redeem himself. 

 

I wondered if I would ever be able to do anything about his stress. I had been pretty useless so far. 

 

Yuuri was tense even from drawing spots. He was going first and apparently that threw him off from the start. I tried to tease him and lighten him up. Which he only seemed to hate more. 

 

Despite him though, I was excited. It was my first competition as his couch and I wanted it to feel official. When practice was over I changed into a suit and tie, for my formal debut. 

 

To my surprise Yuuri became even more embarrassed at this. 

 

I tried not to lose my excitement though, I gushed to him about getting to give him my first coach's pep talk of the season. I was just about to start when he suddenly skated away from me without a word. 

 

That… hurt.

 

He really was over focused. It was turning him cold. I didn’t like that at all. 

 

When Yuuri skated back to the side I was frowning at him. He looked up and me in surprise and I could tell it was making him uncomfortable. 

 

Let’s try this again, Yuuri.

 

“Turn around.” I ordered to get his attention. Yuuri jumped.

 

“Oh uh… like this?” He spun so his back is to me. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him without a word. 

 

Cameras flashed from somewhere in the room.

 

Yuuri was squeaky and tense in my arms, but I knew he liked hugs before a competition so I just kept going. 

 

“Seduce me with all you have.” I murmured in his ear, because before his Eros routine, Yuuri needed confidence not just calm. “If you’re performance can charm me, you can enthrall the entire audience. That’s what I always say in practice right?”

 

I felt Yuuri relax and he leaned into me a little. 

 

“Right.”

 

I think Yuuri held onto my advice in the beginning, because his skate was beautiful. When he got to jumps however he made a mistake and I watched him start to fumble. 

 

I wished I could pull him from the ice in that minute and reassure him. 

 

Don’t focus on jumps. Just skate the program. 

 

All I could do was watch. 

 

Maybe it was too much of the coach in me, but by the time Yuuri is off the ice I’m a little mad. 

 

I told him not to focus on jumps. I always told him to use his strength of the PCS. Why did he do the exact opposite? 

 

I lectured him and he just agreed despondently. When his score came out though, he looks proud because it was a new personal best but I was a little less excited. Yuuri has never scored as high as he SHOULD-- not with his skill level. So if he was reaching his true potential he shouldn’t just be scoring higher than his old self, he should be scoring high for anyone. 

 

Yuuri just got annoyed when I pointed this out so I dropped it. He clearly didn’t see it as motivating even though it showed how much faith I had in him. 

 

What we had to talk about after wasn’t any better though. 

 

I told Yuuri that he had to lower the jump difficulty of his free program so that he can get a higher score on PCS. 

 

Yuuri was immediately upset but I stood my ground. It ends with us not talking before his interview. 

 

In the middle of the interview though, we’re interrupted by one of Yuuri’s fans, who happens to be another skater in the competition. He asked Yuuri if he’d seen him skate but we had missed it because of the interview. Things get dramatic from there and I don’t understand all of what’s said because they both speak japanese. From what I gather though, this kid challenges Yuuri somehow and Yuuri is nervous about it even though the kid is so much younger.

 

Later that night Yuuri would explain it in better detail to me, and I understand a little. Yuuri’s fan was upset because Yuuri didn’t see himself in as good of light as this boy did. He wanted to see Yuuri skate his best. I could only agree with him honestly. 

 

Yuuri doesn’t seem at all flattered by his fan for some reason. 

 

Sometimes I still didn’t understand him.

 

<><><>

 

The next day, Yuuri was and ever worse mood.

 

He was mad about the quads, he was nervous about his fan. He didn’t even talk to me for most of the practice time. 

 

Yuuri skated last this time though, so he had more time to calm down. 

 

We stood together at the edge of the ice, and I tried to stay warm and cheerful for him. However when his fan smiled and nodded at him in encouragement, Yuuri just looked away. 

 

My temper flared at that.

 

Yuuri had always been a kind person. His nerves lately had made him cold and I didn’t like that at all. I was not okay with it. 

 

When Yuuri comes back from his practice skate I frown at him. 

 

“How can someone who cannot motivate others, motivate himself?” I ask, my voice hard and low. 

 

I slam his guards down on the rink side. 

 

“I’m disappointed in you.”

 

That was the first time I ever walked away from Yuuri over something. It was possibly the first time I’d ever been so openly mad. Usually I didn’t want to upset him too much but this was a lesson I felt he should learn. 

 

He treated me badly, and his fan badly, and he acted like no one could have anything to do with him. That was not how he was going to become strong, if anything it was why he had felt alone all this time. It was a very selfish way to act toward people who admired him. 

 

I stayed away from Yuuri after that, just observing the competition. If he was going to act like he didn’t need help he wasn’t going to get help. I decided to sit in the bleachers. 

 

I didn’t have to wait long for Yuuri to surprise me again. 

 

“Minami-kun, good luck!” he yelled to his fan in japanese, as the boy skated on to the ice. I understood the message and smiled. His fan almost cried. 

 

The younger boy was actually quite good. I was impressed. He was rough but he was young and that was okay. I hoped to see him grow someday, like Yuuri. 

 

I hoped he would continue to look up to him.

 

<><><>

 

I didn’t see Yuuri again until before his skate.

 

He gave his fan a pat on the back that looked like it hurt. 

 

I supposed it was the thought that counted.

 

I took his jacket and took another look at him in full costume. He looked so stunning. Maybe then more than before because of the determination on his face. 

He did seem so stiff, though. I wondered if he felt weird around me after I had gotten mad. I tried to make up with him. 

 

“You look beautiful.” I told him, gently fixing his hair. “Oh, you’re lips are chapped.”

 

Why was I looking at his lips? Well... 

 

I pulled out lip balm and didn’t offer it to him. I went to apply it myself and he let me. 

 

This wasn’t the first time that had ever happened but I still loved it. Tracing his lips… they were beautiful and soft and I wished I could touch them more. 

 

I hear his fan squeaking nearby but ignore it. 

 

Yuuri was mine, for at least the moment. 

 

I wrapped my arms around him in a hug, patting his back reassuringly.

 

He hugged me back but he was still very stiff and quiet. However, I don’t press it this time. I had pushed him enough that day. 

 

He went out to skate. 

 

Seeing the program for the first time in competition… I admired it again. 

 

We had choreographed it to be about Yuuri, specifically his career. That had made it personal and also allowed him to work through everything he had been through and where he was going. Skating the program because his own way of writing it’s ending. 

 

I had always loved that about it. 

 

The beginning of the program was always sad because it was supposed to be about Yuuri being alone. Part of the beauty of the program was watching him overcome that. 

 

His first jump approached and I got nervous, but tried to have faith since he’d landed it so many times before. 

 

Yuuri jumped… but it’s wrong. 

 

He had changed the jump elements so that the jump was easier. I grew nervous at that. 

 

The only reason to do that was because he was planning harder jump later, which was exactly the opposite of what I had asked him to do. 

Oh Yuuri. 

 

I keep watching, taking particular notice of the part of the program that’s supposed to be about me, and how I started as his coach.

 

He looks stiff during it and I get a little hurt.

 

I had always liked watching Yuuri during that part of the program because I had always wondered how he had been feeling when I arrived, and Yuuri expressed himself better when he was skating. 

 

His skate then however made me wonder if the stiff Yuuri I remembered from those days, had been more or less the truth of how he felt. I look down in disappointment.

 

I looked up in time to see Yuuri step out of his next jump when he tried to made it a quad salchow. I hid my face in my Makka stuffy when it hit me that he really was ignoring what I had told him about jumps and PCS. I was starting to understand why it was frustrating to be a coach. 

 

Shake it off… 

 

Yuuri’s next jump was perfect and my heart lifts in my chest, especially as song turns to the next movement. The one that represents Yuuri discovering love, and making that his theme. 

 

I had always like that movement too, but he looked so tired. I followed his choreography as he moved through and my heart started to ache.

 

He moved so beautifully. The most beautiful person on the ice. 

 

The next jump stuck and excitement shot through me. 

 

Yes Yuuri! 

 

His triple flip is off, and for a moment I winced but then I hear the crowd clapping. He hadn’t lost them yet, even with his mistakes.

 

I realized it was because of how he moved, the same reason he had always enthralled me. He moved so perfectly with the music, and his movements were so stunning. 

 

His beauty was always what drew everyone’s eyes. That night was no exception. 

 

“So close!” the words slipped through my mouth and I straighten up with nerves as I watch his next jump. He almost had it… but he was being so impatient. 

 

Even still… no one could possibly look away. 

 

I couldn’t help but smile as I watched. 

 

That is until his last jump landed him into a wall.

 

I pressed my forehead to the back of my hand. 

 

His last jump was supposed to be for the points. Oh Yuuri…

 

But I find myself laughing. 

 

What made Yuuri such a rebellious student? I wondered wryly to myself. It didn’t really seem like his personality. 

 

The program ended and Yuuri’s hand drifted in my direction just before a thought hit me. 

 

Oh that’s right… he’d always looked up to me. 

 

I guessed having a rebellious reputation did come back to bite me after all. 

 

I wished I could’ve told Yakov. He probably would have laughed. 

 

If I WAS Yakov, I would have been yelling at Yuuri the second he got off the ice, and part of me had wanted to. 

 

When I heard how hard the crowd was cheering for him though I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Yuuri raised his eyes nervously to me from the ice and I looked at him with a sigh before wiping my hand over my face. Then I took a breath and opened my arms for him. 

 

Yuuri looked like he wanted to cry.

 

“Viktor!” He shouted, skating toward me eagerly. 

 

He threw out his arms for me and I smiled before I noticed how much he was bleeding. 

 

In a gut reaction I dodged him and accidently dropped him. 

 

Oops. 

 

I tried to make it up to him by holding him tight and cuddling him as the announced his score. 

 

“I know you’ll score even higher next time!” I told him pressing my cheek to his hair. He seemed a little overwhelmed by me and just let me hold him without much reaction. 

 

Next thing I know his fan is talking to us in very fast japanese. 

 

Yuuri seemed touched though, and soon he is being asked for autographs. 

 

I just smiled. 

 

Later when Yuuri was gathering his things I finally got to hear his explanation for why he changed things during his skate and I’m surprised. 

 

He said it was because he started having fun.

 

My throat tightened with emotion, and I suddenly felt a little bad about doubting him.

 

I’m glad you had fun Yuuri. Please keep having fun.

 

<><><>

 

One of the most confusing events of my life was the press conference that happened after Yuuri won the domestic championship.

 

I didn’t go with him, mostly because of all the japanese speaking that would be involved, and also because it was supposed to be about Yuuri not me. However I was able to watch it on TV with his family and friends. 

 

But I barely understand anything that was said. 

 

My japanese was still weak and his family was so absorbed in watching they had a hard time remembering to translate for me, especially when I was the only one who didn’t understand. So I was mostly left to watch Yuuri stand nervously on the stage until he started to talk.

 

His voice started out low and I figured he was just explaining his theme simply, but I noticed when something about him started to change. 

 

His speaking sped up and he seemed like he was trying to say a lot and struggling to say it all at once. He kept his eyes down and a slight blush colored his cheeks like he was embarrassed. Really the only thing I understood about what he saying was when he said my name, which only made me more curious.

 

The announcer next to him looked pretty shocked.  

 

Then Yuuri looked into the camera, and the look on his face made my heart stop. 

 

I heard my name again, and from the reactions of others I felt that what he was saying in that moment was very important but I just didn’t know what it was. 

 

I wished so badly to understand him.

 

I did somewhat understand that the last part of his statements was a rather bold declaration of his plan to win, which I found amusing. Yuuri never would have been able to say something like that when I first met him. I was so proud. 

 

His family seemed surprised and maybe… offended? As they mumbled between themselves in more japanese. 

 

I gave up and just smiled. I wished he would have picked a better suit to wear. 

 

I said something to that effect and Minako finally noticed me. 

 

“Oh Viktor, you didn’t understand, did you?” she said and an amused smile graced her features.

 

I shook my head. “No I didn’t.”

 

She motioned for me to get up and follow her. 

 

“You should talk to Yuuri about what he said when you see him,” She told me, “But I’ll explain as best I can.”

 

I felt nervous suddenly, though I was unsure why.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Basically,” Minako said and laughed a little. “Yuuri said his theme was love, because though he has always been surrounded by love, he had never recognized it before, and always felt alone. That is until you,” She pointed to me, “showed up in his life. He doesn’t feel alone anymore and he suddenly can see all the support in his life. He said…” She actually blushed a little and seemed unsure of how to tell me. “He said that you were the first person he’s ever wanted to hold onto, and he doesn’t have a name for that emotion, but that he’s decided to call it love. Now that he has recognized that, he is stronger.”

 

I stared at Minako in blank surprise and she gave me a minute to recover. 

 

I blushed darkly. 

 

“Like is said.” She rested her hand on my shoulder reassuringly. “You should talk to him.”

 

I swallowed.

 

“I will.” I told her and she smiled at me before going back into the room and giving me a moment alone.

 

I found myself just staring into thin air. 

 

Yuuri… 

 

I covered my mouth as I suddenly started to smile but it quickly turned into laughter. Warm and bright. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest that it almost hurt, and I was surprised somehow that I was not also crying from all the emotion that I felt in that moment. 

 

Oh Yuuri… When need to talk you get home, I thought with a warmth so strong I wondered if he could feel it where he was. 

 

Who in their right mind gives that sort of confession on national TV?

  
<><><>


	6. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes some more original scenes than the others have so far. I hope you enjoy.

“Yuuri.” 

 

My voice was soft as I greeted Yuuri when he returned home from the press conference, but it didn’t do any good. Makkachin still heard him and bounded up to him, tackling him onto the floor. 

 

I laughed. 

 

It was late, and Yuuri was still in that awful suit. His eyes widened when he saw me.

 

“Viktor, what are you still doing up?” he said around Makka’s kisses. I kneeled down next to the two of them-- petting Makka’s head for being a good dog. 

 

“I wanted to see you. I thought you might be hungry when you got home.” 

 

“I am.” Yuuri admitted with a slight blush, standing and brushing himself off. 

 

“There katsudon in the dining room.”

 

Yuuri stiffened. 

 

“Your mother, made it not me,” I assured him, but then Yuuri still looked at me confused. 

 

“But I already had katsudon with you after the championships,” he reminded me.

 

“I know,” I agreed and put my hand on his shoulder to guide him inside. “But I feel like you’ve had another victory. Don’t you?”

 

Yuuri went bright red and followed me.

 

I sat across from him at the table while we both ate, not pressuring him to talk about anything in particular. We ended up talking about whatever strange mishaps he’d had at the press conference and about what he was thinking about the Cup of China, but wanted to ask about the rest of it. I just wasn’t sure how, without scaring him.

 

After all, he had said what he said. What more did I really need to ask him about?

 

Yuuri started to yawn.

 

“You must be tired,” I said gently, “I can clean up.”

 

“That’s okay,” He assured me and got up to help. When everything was clean and the lights were off, we both wandered down the quiet hallway together. 

 

Makkachin had already gone to bed earlier. 

 

I felt that Yuuri was tense, like he was thinking about something. I wondered if he was thinking about the same things as me.

 

“Yuuri?”

 

He turned back to look at me, his eyebrows raising in a silent question. 

 

I smiled warmly. 

 

“I want to hold onto you too.” 

 

Yuuri sucked in a breath, and his expression softened in a way that made me want to kiss him.

 

I almost did that time, but then he started to talk. 

 

“Viktor,” His voice was soft and his eyes looked down before he forced them back up, making his cheeks redder. “Do you… do you still want to have that slumber party?”

 

My lips parted in surprise.

 

“Anytime, Yuuri.” I told him genuinely, but still confused by where he was going with all of this. I had stopped asking him about that now that our relationship was closer. It seemed like a very intimate thing to do now, not that I was against that. I was just surprised to hear it from him.

 

“I’ll go get ready and come back,” He told me, and disappeared down the hall with his thoughts troubling his face. 

 

I watched him for a moment before turning to go in my room.

 

What was Yuuri thinking tonight?

 

I didn’t wear pajamas much-- specifically not shirts-- but I made an effort for Yuuri this time. I didn’t know what he was planning, and I didn’t want to make things anymore tense. 

 

Makkachin was sleeping on the floor, but raised his ears when Yuuri came back. That’s how I knew that Yuuri hesitated in the hall for a few minutes before knocking.

 

“Come in.” I offered, a little baffled. He had burst in here on his own before. 

 

The door slid open and Yuuri stepped inside, dressed in his normal pajamas and without his glasses. His cheeks were still red but he made an effort to look at me.

 

“I know you wanted more of a slumber party.” Yuuri admitted, looking guilty “But I’m really tired so…”

 

I whistled and Makka jumped up onto the bed, taking up the bottom third. 

 

“That’s okay. Makka is tired too.” I told him and Yuuri went from staring wide-eyed at the bed to smiling shyly at me.

 

“Okay.”

 

Yuuri curled up on his side of the bed, with Makka on his feet, and I couldn’t help but watch him as his eyes closed and his face started to relax. 

 

He blinked them open again to look at me.

 

“Thanks for having dinner with me.”

 

“Of course Yuuri.”

 

“I don’t know if I tell you enough how glad I am that you’re here.”

 

I stroked my hand over his hair reassuringly. 

 

“I’m glad I’m here too.”

 

Yuuri caught my hand and tangled ours together on the bed between us. 

 

My heart felt twice its normal size.

 

“Goodnight Viktor.”

 

I brushed my lips over the back of his knuckles. 

 

“Goodnight Yuuri.”

 

<><><>

 

Things were different with Yuuri after that night. It was as if he just hesitated around me less. His words came easier, and he was more willing to tease me and even reprimanded me when he thought I deserved it. 

 

Maybe it wasn’t always pleasant but I was happy. Yuuri was himself with me. Finally. 

 

Maybe it was okay to be fully myself with Yuuri too. Not that I had been holding back too much until then. I was just a little cautious was all. Maybe I could be risky again. 

 

Saying goodbye to Makkachin was hard. I had gotten used to spending time with him and now I was traveling again. I was grateful at least that he was surrounded by Yuuri’s family, who he had grown to love so much. He would be okay.

 

Yuuri insisted we fly coach. He hated when I threw money around which I didn’t understand. It seemed like he’d want to take advantage of flying first class if he could. No such luck though, and it was too bad. I would have loved to shower Yuuri in things to make him happy. 

 

“Viktor, just sleep.” Yuuri suggested with a fond smile, when I started complaining about our seats. “Good grief, you’re like a dog.”

 

I frowned. “I’m a what?”

 

Yuuri laughed. “You remind me of an excited dog, or a hyper little kid.”

 

I blinked at him.

 

“Well I like dogs.” I said-- a little petulant. 

 

“Yeah, me too.” Yuuri agreed and pulled my head down on his shoulder. “Sleep now, okay?” He stroked my hair. “Good boy.”

 

I blushed but warmth bubbled up in my stomach and I closed my eyes. “Very funny.”

 

He chuckled and it was as soothing as rain. I could have slept forever like that. 

 

<><><>

 

When we get to China we have to check into our hotel.

 

It’s our first time traveling together, but in keeping with Yuuri’s money saving plan I only booked one room, but with two beds. I was pleased when Yuuri agreed easily, although I didn’t think he saw it nearly the same way as I did. 

 

“It’s nice here,” Yuuri noted and looked at me. “I told you not too much money…”

 

“It was nothing.” I promise, setting my bags down and smiling. 

 

Yuuri raised his eyebrow knowingly, “Shopped the deals?” 

 

“Of course.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“There’s a spa!”

 

“Viktor!”

 

Yuuri ended up wanting to rest quietly in the room until practice that night so I agreed. Or tried to at least. I scrolled through social media, texted Chris about what he was up to since he seemed a little mad at me. I wondered what I had done.

 

“Viktor?”

 

I looked up.

 

Yuuri looked at me blushing. “Umm… the practice will be soon. Will you help me stretch to get ready?”

 

I thought my heart stopped. He was asking me? I had helped him before but it was usually my idea. 

 

“Sure, Yuuri.”

 

He sat on the floor, and I worked him through all the stretches I knew, especially the ones that were best with a partner. I thought about how I didn’t need to stretch like him because I wouldn’t be skating… That made me a little sad.

 

“Viktor?” 

 

“Hmm?” I focused back on Yuuri, running my hands up his spine as he stretched out between his legs. 

 

“I’m going to skate my best.” Yuuri murmured. “I’m going to show everyone how strong you’ve made me by being my coach.”

 

I smiled and brushed my lips on the back of his neck. 

 

“I know you will, Yuuri. Thank you.”

 

Yuuri’s neck and ears turned red and he stretched quietly after that. I didn’t abuse my new privilege like I might have on another day. Not much at least.

 

<><><>

 

Yuuri skated well in the practice. He was thoughtful but fairly calm considering how he could be before competition. Having friends around was encouraging for him, since this competition was populated by a lot of people he knew. 

 

Afterward we got interviewed but that happened all the time and I just couldn’t focus on it. They asked Yuuri about the conference and Yuuri seemed embarrassed.

 

On the other hand I was hungry.

 

“Can we go get hot pot now?” I asked Yuuri, because he had agreed to finally take me to a hot pot place like I had wanted.

 

He blushed at me but didn’t seem mad about the question even during his interview. “I can’t right now…”

 

Yakov walked behind us and my eyes caught on him.

 

“Hey Yakov!”

 

He kept walking but I followed him, grabbing his sleeve. I had known Yakov so long. I had really missed him, since being gone. It was the longest we’d ever been apart since I had met him. 

 

“Hey! Want to come get hot pot with us? Are you ignoring me?” I teased him like I had done since I was a young.

 

“Victor!” he reprimanded me, finally turning. “I feel sick watching you play at being a coach. I’d prefer you only talk to me when you want to plead to return to skating.”

 

I stared at him. 

 

Oh. He was in one of those moods huh? I knew he didn’t love that I had left, and he did seem to think I wasn’t taking coaching seriously at all-- but he’d never really understood my motives with Yuuri in the first place. I didn’t think coaching was easy but I wasn’t trying to launch a coaching career. I just wanted to be with Yuuri. 

 

Still I felt bad for the impression I had given him. I would have loved to talk to him about what I had learned from coaching Yuuri. But apparently not.

 

“All right Yakov, good luck tomorrow.” I smiled genuinely and turned back to Yuuri. 

 

It would take time for Yakov to understand my decisions but for now he didn’t have to. I would miss him, but I knew somehow we would be all right.

 

“Let’s go Yuuri!” I wrapped my arm around his shoulders because his interview was finally done. He relaxed into me and I hoped Yakov could see it. Maybe then he would understand. 

 

<><><>

  
  


Yuuri and I sat at dinner, and everything looked so good! He was still distracted and being picky about what he’d eat but I couldn’t totally blame him. 

 

Still it was no fun. Apparently he was worried about what people were saying about his conference speech. I was of the mind he should just own it. He couldn’t take it back after all and from what I understood of it, I agreed. I was surprised he hadn’t expected such a reaction. 

 

I said none of this though, as he would’ve just gotten more upset if I did. 

I was slightly disappointed though, because his mood was killing the romantic mood that dinner might have had otherwise. That ended up not being such a bad thing though, because Yuuri’s friend Phichit showed up soon and joined us before calling a bunch more people and telling them where we were. So the mood would have been ruined anyway. 

 

Too bad. 

 

Phichit didn’t understand english but he could speak to Yuuri. Not surprising since they were such close friends. Yuuri tried to interpret between us but he was juggling a lot of languages in his attempt and it wasn’t the smoothest conversation. Yuuri said something about calling another skater to be an interpreter but I was so confused I don’t know who would be getting interpreted. 

 

Yuuri’s old coach joined us next and was the first person who actually agreed to drink with me. A blessing and a curse. 

 

It was hard to be distracted by conversation when so many languages were being thrown around, and I couldn’t help but think about Yakov, and about the competition, and Yuuri. Not to mention my somewhat irrational rivalry with Celestino. So soon we were competing for who could drink the most.

 

It ended badly. As in I didn’t remember everything that happened that night. Apparently I started speaking Russian only and taking off my clothes while clinging to Yuuri. 

 

The only part I remembered was Yuuri waking me off the table to go back to the hotel.

 

He must have dressed me by then, I didn’t really remember. I doubted he would have carried me out into public otherwise. 

 

My head cleared a little on the way back and I held Yuuri’s hand tightly as he tried to get me into bed. 

 

“Sleep next to me.” I begged. 

 

Yuuri blushed down at me. 

 

“Not like this, Viktor, okay? I’ll sleep in my bed.” He sat next to me. “Are you okay?”

 

I stared into his eyes. 

 

“Yakov…” I started to say.

 

“You miss him?”

 

“Hmm,” I agreed. “I think I hurt his feelings, but he would never tell me that.”

 

Yuuri held my hand in both of his. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Do you think he hates me?”

 

“No. No he wouldn’t bother saying anything if he hated you.”

 

“Yeah maybe.”

 

Yuuri pet my hair. “Sorry. I know tonight was nuts.”

 

“You’re sorry?”

 

“You should be sorry too.” He warned me. “But you spent the whole night with my friends. You’re always doing things just for me, and I know that dinner was supposed to be for you so thank you. I understand why you got upset.”

 

“I’m upset?” I questioned and he smiled at me.

 

“You drank a lot for not being upset.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

Yuuri leaned forward, and very shyly he kissed my forehead.

 

I whined and reached for him. 

 

He pushed my hands away. 

 

“Not tonight.”

 

I looked at him in surprise. 

 

“Yuuri...”

 

“Not tonight.” He repeated and stood up, dropping my hand. “Goodnight Viktor.”

 

I watched him with half lidded eyes. “Goodnight Yuuri. I’m sorry.”

 

“I know. It’s okay.”

 

He went in the bathroom to change, and I was asleep before he came back out. 

 

<><><>

 

The next day Yuuri found out a picture of us was posted online by his friend. It was unclear how much clothing I was wearing in the photo but I looked like I was trying to kiss Yuuri.

 

I didn’t think I had. I would have remembered that.

 

Yuuri got upset. Thinking it would make him look like he wasn’t taking the competition seriously.

 

“You’re not the one who looks irresponsible in the photo.” I pointed out. “Besides it’s alright to have fun. Don’t worry so much about what others say.”

 

Yuuri seemed to appreciate the sentiment but I wasn’t sure he agreed with me. 

 

When I looked over at him after leaving him for a moment with his friends, I found Chris standing over him smiling with his hand where it shouldn’t be. 

 

I was suddenly at Yuuri’s side.

 

“Chris!” Yuuri’s friends were taking a lot of pictures as I walked up. “How’s it going?”

 

“I’m not motivated without you.” He complained, grabbing me and frowning.

 

Oh. So that’s why he had seemed mad lately.

 

I tried to remind him he was always slow to get started but he still seemed to blame me. 

 

Before I knew it, people on all sides of me were attacking me for having taking the season off.

 

Yuuri looked uncomfortable and I felt bad. They were under appreciating him by acting like my leaving had been for nothing. I wished I could talk to him but there were suddenly so many people.

 

I worry about how this will affect Yuuri. I’m impressed when if anything, Yuuri seemed more focused than ever as he warmed up. Almost weirdly focused. 

 

Chris comes up to me. 

 

“Is he okay?”

 

I hush him, not wanting to break the spell. Because yeah, I had a feeling he was okay. Even if I had never seen him like that before.

 

<><><>

 

By the time Yuuri’s ready to skate, I’ve made up my mind about what I want to say to him today. How I want to motivate him.

 

I take his hand on the side of the rink, covering it with my own. 

 

“The time to seduce me by picturing katsudon and women during your skate is over.” I tell him, my voice coming out low and teetering on the edge of something. “You can seduce me with just your own charm.” I slide my fingers across the back of his hand, brushing his tense knuckles. “You know that don’t you?”

 

Yuuri’s had abruptly moved to clasp his fingers with mine. He pushed forward pressed our foreheads tight together. In front of everyone. 

 

His eyes looked into mine. 

 

“Don’t ever take your eyes off me.” His murmured, voice deep and firm. His eyes were blazing as his fingers squeezed around mine. 

 

Then he skated away. The music was about to begin. 

 

I touched my forehead where his had touched. It felt so warm, like I could still feel him against me. 

 

I wished I had been able to kiss him, but that moment had been his.

 

I hadn’t expected that from him though. Even when I had wanted to encourage him, I hadn’t expected such reaction. 

 

What was going through his head? What had flipped his switch so suddenly to this…

 

My eyes widened. 

 

He kind of reminds me of… 

 

A grin covered my face. 

 

So Yuuri really does have this side to him, buried underneath all the anxiety. I had started to wonder if I imagined it before, but no. Yuuri Katsuki was much more complicated than he appeared. The depths of him much more fathomless.

 

The thought filled me with excitement. 

 

When the beginning of Yuuri’s program started with him licking his upper lip, that filled me with a different kind of excitement. 

 

I covered my mouth. 

 

The program turned out to be perfect. 

 

He nailed his jumps and his PCS was even better. “Yes!” I threw my arms into the air.

He was exactly who I thought he was. Who I had known he was all this time. He was also a lot more than I had ever seen. Beyond my wildest imagination. I clapped and cheered so hard it hurt. 

 

“That was perfect.” I said when it was over, and the crowd was still cheering for him. 

 

In my excitement I held out my arms.

 

Chris, who I had totally forgotten was there, frowned at me. 

 

“The kiss and cry is that way.”

 

<><><>

 

I sat next to Yuuri with my arm around him-- I couldn’t seem to stop touching him-- and the crown was still roaring.

 

We waited for his score together but I couldn’t stop smiling. I knew it would be incredible, and I was so proud to be next to him in that moment. Proud I was with the boy who shocked the world. 

 

I finally noticed how quiet he was though.

 

“Did that feel great, Yuuri?” I asked, smiling at his face flushed from skating. 

 

He just stared straight ahead, looking tired. 

 

“Well,” He said, his voice soft. “I was hoping everyone else felt great watching me.”

My lips parted, but I was distracted when the score was announced. 

 

He had finally broken over the hundred mark. A new personal best. The highest scored so far that night. 

 

The crowd is deafening and my arms go around him. Holding him tightly to me and petting his hair, trying to make him smile. 

 

“Of course they’d feel great watching a performance like that.” I told him, my cheeks flushing with pride. “You’re the best student.”

 

He was so much more-- so so so much more-- but I couldn’t say it all there. 

 

<><><>

 

Yuuri went to watch the rest of the skaters with his friends. I stayed behind to support Chris and let him whine at me until it was time for him to go out onto the ice.

 

Then I went to find Yuuri. 

 

I found him by the TV watching Chris skate. I came up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He blushed a little but his arms covered mine like he was holding me to him. His friends offered no comment so I smiled and we all watch the the skate together. 

 

When I started to get the hint of Chris’ theme I wanted to laugh. 

 

Oh of course. 

 

“He said he wasn’t finding motivation without me,” I teased, leaning more on Yuuri. “But Chris never goes into a real slump. He just starts so he doesn’t peak until the final.” I explained to Yuuri, because it was a strategy he should understand with Chris as his competitor.  

 

I didn’t know if Yuuri heard me though as the other element of Chris’ skating was on full display. I probably should have warned Yuuri.

 

I preferred Yuuri’s eros, but of course Chris would take even a hint of sex appeal as a challenge. 

 

“I guess Chris wins in sex appeal.” Yuuri grumbled defeatedly. 

 

I wanted to contradict him but I settled for rubbing his shoulders reassuringly since his friends were standing right there. 

 

Phichit looked a little horrified and said something I didn’t understand but I could probably guess.

 

Chris’ score was announced and Yuuri seemed to have a sudden realization. 

 

I stood behind him grinning smugly as he realized. 

 

Yes that’s right Yuuri. You’re in first place. Where you definitely belong. Good job.

 

I held onto Yuuri as the ranks are announced to the crowd.

 

It took me a moment to realize he didn’t seem as excited for himself as I was. 

 

He was shaking.

 

I pressed my lips together. 

 

Oh dear. Yuuri doesn’t do well with pressure or attention, does he?

 

I held him tightly to keep him up. 

 

This could be bad. 

 

<><><>


	7. Heart of Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You all know.

I honestly believed the night after Yuuri’s China short program would have been very different if his nerves hadn’t already gotten to him.

 

I had been holding him up the entire way back to the hotel and Yuuri looked shaken. His face was pale, and his eyes dark, his hands clammy.

 

I tried to give him time to calm down. He had wanted to talk to his family over the phone so I waited and hoped that would help. 

 

It didn’t seem to. It wasn’t even the day of the free skate yet and he was already falling apart.

 

“Yuuri,” I said gently. “You won tonight, remember? You should be happy.”

 

“It doesn’t mean anything if--,”

 

I passed my thumb over his lips to keep him from talking. 

 

“Go to sleep, Yuuri.”

 

He looked up at me in surprise. 

 

“I would have loved to celebrate with you.” I assured him. “But you’re in no condition now. Get some sleep. Stop thinking so much.”

 

Yuuri looked like he wanted to roll his eyes at that but he just shook his head and moved to change for bed. I watched him with worried eyes before I changed and climbed into my own bed. 

 

I felt Yuuri’s eyes on me when he came back out of the bathroom. He hesitated like he was maybe going to say or do something but in the end he just got into bed, and soon I fell asleep to the sound of his breathing.

 

<><><>

 

The next day at practice I could tell Yuuri hadn’t slept. 

 

I had tried to give him a good start to the day but apparently I had misjudged his stress. It was too much for him to sleep peacefully. 

 

So when practice was over I dragged him back to the room and made him nap. This time lying with him, so that I knew he stayed in bed. 

 

I ended up falling asleep again though and when I woke up Yuuri still looked exhausted.

 

I told not to do any jumps in the warm up, because I knew any mistakes, at this point, could destroy any shreds of confidence he still had. He didn’t listen to me, though, and when he fell on his signature jump he looked like he was going to be sick. 

 

I tried to keep encouraging him. I tried to stay upbeat around him and tell him everything would be fine but he was like a zombie after that. 

 

So quiet and empty, but clearly terrified. 

 

I was so helpless for what to do. 

 

The other skaters seemed to be everywhere, news of their performances was impossible not to hear. Every single time something good happened for once of them, Yuuri’s shaking got worse. 

 

I kept trying to drag Yuuri to more private places so he wouldn’t hear, but kept finding more people. 

 

Finally we ended up in a parking garage.

 

I left Yuuri to stretch, putting his ear plugs in. Then I wandered around the garage, thinking.

 

What was I supposed to do? How did I fix this? Yuuri’s anxiety really was so painful and I felt like it was passing from him to me the more I worried for him. 

 

How could I make him feel better? 

 

I got distracted by more announcements that echoed through the garage from the stadium above. Something about another skater’s scores. 

 

I briefly glanced at Yuuri and realized he had been listening too, having pulled out his earplugs. 

 

I ran to him.

  
“Don’t listen!” I shouted, clapping my hands over his ears.   

 

It was too late though. I could see by the look on his face that he had heard, and me reacting like that had just made him more freaked out.

 

I really did feel so helpless. 

 

“Victor,” He said gently, “We should be getting back.”

 

I stared into his face. I didn’t want it to be time yet. I hadn’t found a way to help him, so I couldn’t send him out like this. But Yuuri just seemed too experienced to be affected by other skaters. I didn’t know how to help him get over something that should have just faded with time. 

 

Yuuri pulled away from me to head back toward the rink. 

 

Skaters’ hearts are as fragile as glass, I thought as watched all the painful emotions on Yuuri’s face. As I watched him walk away from him again, and felt just as close to losing him as I had before. 

 

If their hearts are so fragile…

 

“Yuuri.” I called without turning to face him, but I heard him stop. I swallowed against a tight throat and ran a hand through my hair.

 

Let’s try shattering his into pieces. 

 

I turned to face him.

 

“If you mess up this free skate and miss the podium,” I slide my hand to brace the back of my neck, because I suddenly feel cold. “I’ll take responsibility by resigning as your coach.”

 

It was harsh, but maybe this…

 

Yuuri had told me once that he beat Yurio because he couldn’t accept what the cost would have been if he lost. The cost then had been me, so maybe if he saw me as his cost now, he would be able to fight again. 

 

I waited, but Yuuri just stared at me. 

 

Then tears started to stream down his face. 

 

My mouth fell open in surprise. 

 

I had… never seen Yuuri cry. 

 

“Why would you say something like that,” Yuuri asked, his voice hoarse and sobbing. “Like you’re testing me?”

 

I jolted in surprise. 

 

It’s shattered…

 

“I’m sorry Yuuri…” I said, trying to be gentle again. “I wasn’t being serious--,”

 

“I’m used to being blamed for my own failures!” Yuuri yells at me, “But this time I’m anxious because my mistakes would reflect on you, too!”

 

My lips part in surprise. Me?

 

“I’ve been wondering if you secretly want to quit!” 

 

“Of course I don’t--,”

 

“I KNOW!” 

 

He was shaking with sobs now, and I didn’t know if I should touch him or not. It seemed like in movies people touched when they were crying. On the other hand though… Yuuri seemed more mad at me than anyone. Maybe he wouldn’t want me to.

 

“I’m not good with people crying in front of me,” I admitted, resting my head in my hand, and it was true. I never had to take care of other people. Only myself and Makkachin. So I had no idea what to do for comfort or care when it came to others. I had made an effort with Yuuri, but I still had so much to learn, even about him. 

 

“I don’t know what I should do.” I told him, turning my eyes to look at his quivering, crying face. “Should I kiss you or something?”

 

I was my first instinct, because that was usually was my only instinct with Yuuri. I only seemed to make him angrier though. 

 

“No!” 

 

He turned his face up to look at me and it was flushed and he still had so many tears running from his eyes. He looked less angry though.

 

“Just have more faith I’m going to win than I do! You don’t have to stay anything. Just stand by me!”

 

The plea is so earnest. So desperate and pure.

 

The worse part was that he shouldn’t have had to ask. I should have known from the start, because it was the same plea I had held onto, for a long time now.

 

I wondered if Yuuri and I were as different as I had come to think. Maybe underneath it all, we were actually quite the same. 

 

I put my hand gently on Yuuri’s shoulder. 

 

“Okay Yuuri. From now on, I’m at your side. Always.”

 

Truthfully I always had been, but I hadn’t made him feel that way. If he had been scared of losing me all this time, I hadn’t been doing my job properly. 

 

“And I do have faith in you.”

 

Yuuri looked up at me and I gave him a careful, nervous smile. “You know that don’t you? It’s why I’m here.”

 

Yuuri nodded, his tears slowing down.

 

“We really should get back.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

I put my arm around him and walked him back toward the rink in silence, just thinking about what he had said. 

 

I needed to do a lot more for Yuuri, and I wished I knew better what I was doing. 

 

I probably should have asked Yakov at some point. He might have appreciated that. 

 

Maybe I still could.

 

<><><>

 

Yuuri stayed quiet and flushed as he pulled off his sweats and stood at the side of the rink, ready and in costume. 

 

He looked sad and beautiful, and I felt weirdly far away from him. Like I had dislodged myself from my place at his side. 

 

I just didn’t know how to make things better. I didn’t have enough experience at it. 

 

I offered Yuuri tissues before he went out onto the rink, and he took them and blew his nose from crying. 

 

He was still so quiet, and hardly looked at me. 

 

I offered my hand to take the tissues he was done with. He moved as if to offer them to me but pulled his hand back at the last second so that they nearly fell onto the ice.

 

I reached to catch them, leaning over the rail and nearly falling over. 

 

Suddenly I feel Yuuri’s finger poke the part in my hair, in that way he had during practice when I told it him it made me feel old. 

 

Then his hand brushed over my hair like he was petting me. 

 

Oh. Yuuri had been teasing me. 

 

My eyes widened, and my heart swelled. Oh okay. Then we were okay. 

I slowly smiled. So he didn’t need me to fix everything. Sometimes we were just okay.  

 

The crowd cheered as Yuuri skated out onto the ice. 

 

The music started, and my nerves tightened. I waited to see how Yuuri looked.

 

I was surprised when I realized he was actually smiling, and he seemed so unusually calm. 

 

He skated toward a jump combination, and landed it with ease. Smooth as water.

 

Relief flooded my entire body. 

 

That was my Yuuri.

 

He landed his next jump too and I jumped with excitement, throwing my arms up. 

 

“That was perfect, Yuuri!” I shouted and I wanted to laugh. 

 

He was so beautiful, wasn’t he? So beautiful and strong. It was hard to imagine looking at him a moment ago and thinking he was fragile. But that was Yuuri. 

 

He was so much of everything. So sensitive, so strong, so kind. It couldn’t imagine how he held it all inside of him, but then again I guessed he didn’t. Not always at least. It was all on full display when he skated. 

 

I watched him move, as entranced as the audience was, and I felt that wave of pride again. He was my Yuuri, in some small way. We were tied. 

 

I always wanted to feel that way, watching him.

 

His loop was flawless and I could tell he was himself again. His skating was like music again. Breathtaking. 

 

He slipped on his axel and I was so impressed when it didn’t seem to faze him. He just kept skating, and I was amazed that he seemed to have the kind of confidence I always wanted him to have. The unshakable certainty of his talent. 

 

This wasn’t quite that but it was closer, and I was glad. Especially after seeing him so low. 

 

I found myself tense and unable to look away.

 

He nailed a triple flip and a thoughtful expression touched his face. 

 

Hmm? That seemed odd. Yuuri didn’t usually skate so well when he was thinking. He seemed to skate his best when his mind was blank. 

 

I wondered what he was thinking about. He still kept smiling. 

 

He over rotated the next jump and for a minute my heart plummeted before I shook it off. No. I would not lose faith in Yuuri. I had to have more faith in him than anyone. My eyes fixed on him again. I should never look away. 

 

He hit his next jump and didn’t even seem tired. I envied his stamina so much.

 

After a truly stunning step sequence Yuuri moved on to his last jump, and I could tell something was different. 

 

It wasn’t until he jumped that I can see it, though. 

 

It was not a loop like it should have been. It was a flip. A quadruple flip. 

 

Everyone always called it my signature move but never had wanted that to be true, more than in that moment when I saw Yuuri’s body forming its movements. 

 

He fell, but it hardly mattered. It was beautiful, and it was like he was claiming me, there in front of everyone, and I had never been so touched in my life. 

 

The crowd roared, because it was a surprise and because it was difficult, especially at the end of a program. But all I could think about was Yuuri. 

 

I covered my face to make sure I wasn’t crying, then I ran for the kiss and cry.

 

Yuuri’s eyes followed me, and when he saw me stop at the exit to meet him he moved toward me, a huge smile on his face. 

 

“Viktor!” he called in excitement and I was so happy to hear him say my name like that again. 

 

His face was glowing with pride and exertion, his cheeks bright and his eyes dancing. “I did great, right?”

 

I smiled softly at him and nodded my head. 

 

I had the urge to kiss him again-- I opened my arms and my feet left the ground. 

 

So this time I did. 

 

My arms went around Yuuri’s neck as my weight hit him, and our lips crashed together. 

 

His were chapped, but so warm, and we were falling together onto the ice. 

 

My lips slipped off his as I tightened my arms to protect him from the fall. 

 

I landed on top of him and pulled back to look into his eyes, smiling down at his shocked expression.

 

“I wanted to surprise you more than you surprised me,” I explained, blushing, “This was all I could think of.”

 

My voice was breathless but Yuuri just gave me the softest smile. One that made my heart melt.

 

“It worked.”

 

I already wanted to kiss him again, but I hugged him instead. 

 

We were still on camera after all. 

 

<><><>

 

Yuuri won silver in the Cup of China, behind Phichit who one gold. Chris took third and didn’t look thrilled but I knew him and it wouldn’t shake his confidence. 

 

I just watched Yuuri smile and clapped.

 

I couldn’t help but brag to the cameras about him after. Telling everyone that now that he could do the flip, he would definitely be winning gold next time. 

 

Yuuri looked embarrassed but I could tell he was happy. 

 

Faith, I reminded myself. My faith in him always made him happy.

 

After interviews I turned to Yuuri with a huge smile and he looked at me with these shy eyes that I didn’t know how to respond to. 

 

My first instinct was still to kiss him.

 

“Are you hungry, Yuuri?”

 

He nodded, still glowing but looking a little tired now. 

 

When I thought about how little he slept, I wondered how he was still on his feet.

“Room service?” I suggested, and his grin widened. 

 

“Sure.”

 

We went back to the hotel, my hand in his during the drive as he stared out the window. 

 

I stared at him through the mirror. 

 

The air felt heavy, with the things that I should have said, and the things I wanted him to say back. When we walked into the room, there was much more pressure for the silence to break. 

 

I shrugged off my coat. I hadn’t planned on jumping into things with Yuuri quite so suddenly after all this time. I didn’t know how to explain it to him.

 

“Yuuri?” 

 

He placed his flowers on the night stand and unzipped his jacket. He had changed out of his costume and was just wearing a plain black shirt and sweatpants now, for which I was glad. I didn’t want to have to worry about ruining his beautiful costume. 

 

I shook that thought out of my head quickly. 

 

“I guess we can’t have katsudon.” Yuuri murmured, a little sadly and my brow furrows. 

 

“Because we’re in China.” I pointed out and he laughed.

 

“Because I didn’t win.”

 

I hummed. 

 

“We could have anyway. You were amazing tonight.”

 

“You need to stop making exceptions for me.” Yuuri turned to smirk ruefully at me. “You’re a coach aren’t you? Be more disciplined.”

 

I rolled my eyes.

 

Yuuri moved toward me but stopped a few feet away. “Hey Viktor?” 

 

“Yes?” I tilted my head. I wanted to reach out to touch him but was too afraid to try before we talked. I didn’t have the element of surprise this time.

 

Yuuri looked into my eyes. His hair was still slick, but messier than before. His eyes were shining behind his glasses. 

 

“Why did you kiss me?”

 

I blinked. That was his question?

 

“You really don’t know?”

 

Yuuri blushed at that. “Well I…”

 

I stepped forward and took his hand. I used my free one to tip his head up to press his forehead against mine. 

 

“Do you really not see the way I look at you?”

 

Yuuri made a soft sound, and his voice wobbled when he started to speak.

 

“Why would you…”

 

I pulled back to glare down at him.

 

“Don’t start with that,” I said sternly. “You have to see it by now. How beautiful you are. Not just your skating but all of you. You have to see that you brought me here. You. Not just your talent, not just your potential. You did. You’re why I will always want to be here.”

 

Tears filled Yuuri’s eyes again but I’m not scared this time. I could tell they were different. I could see the warmth in his face. 

 

“Viktor,” Yuuri’s sob was quiet and breathless as he threw his arms around me and buried his face against my neck. 

 

I held him tightly and pet his hair. “Yuuri…”

 

“This is the time when you’re supposed to kiss me,” Yuuri chided with a slight laugh to his voice. “Not when I’m mad at you, and not on international TV.”

 

“You really minded that?” I asked with a smile. 

 

Yuuri blushed and shook his head. “Not this time.” 

 

“Good.”

 

I eased him back and put my fingers under his chin to turn him to look at me. 

 

His eyes had dried up a little but his eyelashes were dark and wet and made his eyes look lovely over his red cheeks.

 

I lowered myself down to press our lips tightly together.

 

For a moment that was it. Silence and the press of lips. Then, slowly the sounds of breathing and moving lips followed and our mouths were around each other. Pulling and pushing and consuming.

 

I could tell Yuuri hadn’t done much of this before, but he learned quickly as always, and his determination was endearing. Besides, his inexperience kept my jealousy at bay.

 

“Viktor,” Yuuri breathed against my lips, laughing a little. “I really am hungry.”

 

I laughed too and the kiss broke as we stumbled apart, grinning bashfully at each other. 

 

“I’ll order.” I offered, moving for the phone and the menu. “There will be plenty more time for that while we wait.”

 

“Yeah.” Yuuri agreed with a smile and I looked back to raise an eyebrow at him. 

 

He blushed darkly but didn’t lower his eyes from mine, or stop smiling. 

 

I reached for him again.

 

“Viktor! Food!” Yuuri giggled desperately, playfully pushing me away as we fell back onto one of the beds. 

  
<><><>


	8. Two Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go...

Kissing was as far as it went with Yuuri that night, but there was a lot of kissing. 

 

I felt nervous to push him, and he seemed content with exploring where we were so I took everything as a moment. 

 

That was my moment to memorize Yuuri’s lips. The way they moved, what I could do that he seemed to like. How quickly he would part them for me, the places my tongue could brush that made his body turn to water underneath me. 

 

I was not impatient for that moment to end. I didn’t think I ever would be. Moments with Yuuri were precious. 

 

We fell asleep with his head on my shoulder and our arms around each other, and it was the most peaceful I had ever felt. There was something about being with Yuuri… like I was clicking into place. 

 

The next morning I didn’t want to leave the bed. Yuuri indulged me for a while. Cuddling and dozing and talking. But eventually we had to gather our things and get ready to check out. 

 

Before long we were on a plane back to Japan, and this time I let Yuuri rest his head on me and he let me borrow his neck pillow. 

 

It smelled like Yuuri and I smiled. 

 

Back in Japan congratulations go around.

 

Yuuri really impressed everyone. Of course he did. They had a party planned for us when we walked in.

 

I enjoyed eating and drinking with everyone. Congratulating Yuuri. Seeing that excitement and pride on his face. It was all… so warm and nice. Especially now that I knew Yuuri reciprocated my feelings, at least a little. That we might have a real future together. 

 

Yuuri’s sister asked for my help carrying some dishes and I agreed. I should maybe have been more wary, though, because she cornered me in the kitchen. 

 

“So you kissed my brother.”

 

I actually blushed a little. 

 

“I’m sorry. I know that I wasn’t always clear about my feelings for Yuuri and I hope you don’t feel like I was deceitful in my intentions--,”

 

She waved a hand.

 

“I could tell you love my brother.”

 

My eyes widened.

 

“And I’ve known for a long time that you were something special to him.” She admitted, leaning against a wall. “First as an idol and then something more. I saw the signs.”

 

I blinked. 

 

“Then I’m glad--,”

 

“Yuuri hasn’t had anyone like you before.”

 

I stared and she stared back at me. 

 

“He’s always been timid and he was never good at the social things that are necessary to lead to dating. So he’s never done any of this.”

 

“I know--,”

 

“You need to mean it.” She said sternly. “You are not some random guy who got caught as his first crush. You were huge in his eyes his whole life, and then you came all the way here, and you made him trust you. So now you have to mean it, do you understand? You seem like kind of an impulsive person. You can’t be like that with Yuuri. You need to be stable. You need to be there for him. If you break his heart, a whole half of his life with be taken away. Memories of his idol ruined. He could give up on skating. It could change him. I don’t want that.”   
  


My mouth gaped, and I was so surprised to have someone put it to me so bluntly. To open my eyes to really how much of an impact I made on Yuuri, some of which without even knowing. 

 

I abruptly pulled Yuuri’s sister into a hug.

 

“Thank you.” I murmured. “And don’t worry. Yuuri is…” I turned my head to look back to the living room, and smiled softly. “He’s…”

 

Mari watched me, and eventually kind of snickered.

 

“Oh geez. I guess I sort of underestimated you. You have it bad huh?” she patted my shoulder. “I’m happy for him. For you both actually. I guess I’ll be seeing around for a long time.”

 

I laughed a little shakily. “You will, and I’m lucky for that.”

 

She smirked. “That’s right, start getting on my good side now.” She headed back to the party, and after a moment I followed. 

 

Yuuri’s eyes found me immediately and he absently made a spot for me. 

 

I sat beside him, and couldn’t stop smiling the rest of the night. 

 

<><><>

 

Yuuri snuck into my room at night to sleep with me-- embarrassed to do it in front of his family-- but we mostly just talked. 

 

We still kissed but that was all, and I still didn’t mind. I could tell Yuuri was embarrassed and I wanted him to come closer to me in his own time.

 

Besides, talking to him was fascinating. There was so much that surprised me about his life and the way that he thought about things. It was nice to just listen to him open up to me. 

 

In the days we were practicing. Yuuri wanted to add the quad flip to his program and I helped him, but he struggled. 

 

Yuuri wasn’t the best at jumps and he felt a lot of pressure, with the Rostelecom Cup so close in the future, so I just tried to support him and helped however I could. 

 

He asked me a lot of questions about Russia and my life there and my family. 

 

I told him I didn’t really have any family left, and that I didn’t live in Moscow so I didn’t have much I wanted to show him there. 

 

He seemed disappointed in my bland answers and maybe a little worried about me. 

 

I tried to distract him and keep him in a good mood. 

 

“Come on, Yuuri. Let’s try the flip one more time.”

 

Yuuri smirked, “Once more? Already getting tired?”

 

I frowned at him.

 

“Are you ticklish, Yuuri?”

 

“What? No. Hey… Stop! Stop! Viktor, I’m sorry wait--- AH! Hahahaha-- Viktor! Viktor stop the ice!”

 

<><><>

 

On the plane to Russia we talked more about the cup and what Yuuri would be facing. 

He seemed motivated but also nervous. I tried to remind him to just skate his best and focus on what he wanted to say, don’t worry about the other competitors. 

 

Yuuri seemed more willing to listen to me, except in one respect.

 

“Yurio will be there,” He murmured. “It’s the first time I’ve gone against him since the hot springs event.”

 

I opened my mouth to reassure him.

 

“I hope he does will.”

 

I closed it. Thought. 

 

“Me too,” I said and smiled. “I have faith in him. He’ll surpass us all someday.”

 

Yuuri laughed. “Yeah. He’s a terrifying monster.”

 

We chuckled and I wrapped my arm around him, leaning us together against the seats. 

 

<><><>

  
  


I got hounded by interviewers the second we were in Russia. I told Yuuri to go on ahead to the room as soon as we got to the hotel. Yuuri brought me a coffee and I stayed in the lobby to talk to them about Yuuri and about the competition.

 

Mostly they seemed to want to ask me about my future plans, which I refused to answer. 

 

I didn’t know my future. My future was dependant on Yuuri and I’d never been happier for that. I only wanted what would keep me at his side.

 

We’re interrupted when Yurio walks up, and I used him as an escape. 

 

“Look it’s Yurio!” 

 

I went to his side and wrapped an arm around him, winking at the cameras. 

 

“Did you see the short program I designed for Yurio?”

 

He shoved my arm away and my coffee spilled all over the floor. It was so sad.

 

“You’re not Russia’s top skater anymore!” He snapped. “I’m going to be the one to win the Rostelecom cup!”

 

I smirked at him. 

 

He was all confidence on the outside. It was incredible. So different from Yuuri. 

 

He stormed away moodily and I watched him before mourning over my coffee and saying goodbye to the reporters. 

 

<><><>

 

In our room that night, Yuuri told me about running into the other skaters, but for once he didn’t sound afraid. 

 

He really seemed determined to do his best, to prove himself. 

 

I didn’t know what was driving that motivation but it made me feel good to imagine I might have something to do with it. 

 

That night he initiated our kissing and climbed on top of me in the bed. 

 

We kissed for a long time and I had to take a very cold shower which I tried to hide from Yuuri. 

 

I’m not sure it worked because when I climbed into bed with him that night he was smirking. 

 

“Goodnight, Viktor.”

 

“You’ll be beautiful tomorrow Yuuri.” I kissed his hair. 

 

He hid his face a little.

 

“Don’t take your eyes off me tomorrow.”

 

“I couldn’t if I tired.”

  
  


<><><>

 

When it was time for Yuuri’s skate the next night, Yuuri looked incredible and the crowd was on fire. 

 

They cheered and I waved and smiled excitedly at them. 

 

Then Yuuri grabbed my tie.

 

He pulled me aggressively toward him and his lips were close to my ear, his voice low as he spoke. 

 

“The performance has already started, Viktor.”

 

I smiled. 

 

“I know it has.”

 

“Don’t worry,” He whispered. “I’m going to show my love to all of Russia.”

 

Oh god his words were settling much lower in my body than was appropriate in the moment. Where had this side of Yuuri come from all of the sudden?

 

Then he was skating out onto the ice. 

 

He was even more spectacular that before, and I shouted to him from the rink how perfect he was. 

 

I waited eagerly to hug him when it was over, but I hadn’t noticed Yurio walking up.

 

He stared us both down.

 

“Get out of my way, piggy.”

 

We blinked up at him in shock, and he stormed passed us.

 

“Well…” Yuuri let out a breath. “I guess Yurio found his agape.”

 

I started to smile and me and Yuuri turned to each other. 

 

“Nice!”

 

And then we both laughed, because we sort of sounded like doting parents. Not that I minded that. 

 

When Yuuri got his score, it was another personal best. 

 

I wanted to kiss him but this was Russia and I didn’t want to do anything that could reflect negatively on Yuuri. 

So instead I showed another form of pride and kissed his skate. 

 

Yuuri blushed dark red.

 

We noticed Yurio’s eyes on us and Yuuri shouted. “Davai!”

 

I smiled at that and waved at him before shouting good luck in japanese. 

 

I knew it would needle him and from the look on his face it totally worked. 

  
  


<><><>

 

Yuuri and I watched the rest of the skates together. We get interviewed a lot, and a lot of people are excited for Yuuri, just like I am. 

 

A lot of the other skaters were amazing, especially Yurio even if he started out rough, but  I was pleased when Yuuri finished second. 

 

Then I hear Yuuri come up frantically behind me as I’m talking to a reporter. 

 

“Viktor!” He said in a strained voice. “You have to go back to Japan.”

 

I stared at him in shock.

 

It took a minute for me to calm Yuuri enough to get him to tell what was going on. Once I understand I feel my throat start to close up.

 

Makkachin was at the vet and things weren’t looking good. Yuuri wanted me to go back to be with him, but I would miss the free skate that would determine if Yuuri was going to make it to the final. 

 

I want to be sick. 

 

There was almost nothing in my life that I would put above being there for Yuuri at such a moment. But Makkachin…

 

Why was this happening? The two things that I loved most… why was this happening?

 

“I can’t go back to Japan,” I started to say.

 

“You have to!”

 

“I can’t!”

 

I rested my aching forehead in my hand. 

 

Makkachin…

 

Then I turn slightly and see Yakov. 

 

Oh… oh!

 

Suddenly I’m running to him. I’m not even sure some of the words that come out of my mouth but I’m holding his shoulders and I’m begging him. 

 

“Please, it will just be for one day, just one day. But will you be Yuuri’s coach?”

 

Everyone in the room was suddenly looking at me like I was crazy. 

 

<><><>


	9. Home

 

Yakov agreed to my request. He didn’t seem pleased about it and neither did Yurio but that was what I loved about Yakov. He had his moods but he was so kind deep down. He was always helping me.

 

Yuuri and I ended up back at the hotel. I had to grab my things while Yuuri helped find the next flight back. I insisted he book one that will required me to pay a lot because it was last minute but for once he didn’t question me.

 

Still, I didn’t have much unpacked and the flight wasn’t immediate. Once I was ready to go I had a second to drop onto the bed, holding my head in my hands.

 

Yuuri was quiet but he didn’t feel far away. I could tell he was watching me, waiting to understand what he should do. Finally he moved next to me and rested an arm around me.

 

He seemed afraid to say anything.

 

“It’s going to be okay.” I told him firmly and reached out to clasp his hand. “All of it, everything.”

 

Yuuri nodded, “It will.”

 

I knew he must be terrified too-- he loved Makka, and the competition was…--  but he was letting the moment be about me so I let him. I wasn’t sure I would say the right things to him then anyway.

 

Yuuri wrapped his arms completely around me and for a minute I hid my face in his neck and tried to breath.

 

“It will be okay?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

<><><><>

 

At the airport I find myself going over everything I forgot to say to him. Trying to explain how he can rely on Yakov and trying to make sure he’ll be okay.

 

Yuuri was still quiet but kept nodding at me and so finally I hug him.

 

“Even if I’m not here, I’ll always be with you in spirit.” I squeeze him tightly.

 

Then I’m being swept through security and Yuuri is gone.

 

It was the most alone I had felt in months. The lack of Yuuri’s presence sucked the life out of me and my thoughts spiraled on the long flight.

 

I felt so low. Everything felt so fragile suddenly. All the wonderful things I had.

 

I had to remind myself that I wasn’t losing Yuuri. We were more than the competition now. Even if he lost the next day he wouldn’t be lost to me.

 

That was the one and only time I let myself consider Yuuri losing. From then on I did as Yuuri would have wanted and gave him all my faith.

 

When I finally get to Japan I’m tired from my worry and thoughts. I get to Yu-topia and then am helped to find the vet.

 

I stumbled in to find Mari there. She gave me a gentle look.

 

“You made it.”

 

“Is he okay?” I demanded, because she looks so sad.

 

“We don’t know anything quite yet. We should soon.” She tried to sooth me and I nodded.

“Okay.”

 

She sat with me in the waiting room, and tried to distract me.

 

“How is Yuuri?”

 

I rub my face. “He’s… at a good place in the competition and I told my coach to look after him while I’m gone.”

 

“Is he upset?” She corrected and I sighed.

 

“Yes.”

 

“I guess it can’t be helped.”

 

We sat a lot in silence because sometimes talking makes things worse, but finally the vet came out to get us.

 

She explained that things are looking better, according to Mari. They were able to help Makkachin and he was sleeping now. They wanted to watch him for a few hours but believed he would be fine.

 

The relief I felt was staggering and I nearly passed out. Mari patted my back.

 

Mari went back to Yu-topia but I stayed with Makkachin just in case, until he was released. He smiled at me and licked my hand and my heart starts to unclench.

 

I was able to sleep a little, holding Makkachin, before It was time for Yuuri to skate. I came out to watch the live stream with Minako.

 

She smiled at me.

 

“How is Makkachin?”

 

“Good.” I smiled back. “Seems mostly himself.”

 

“Good.”

 

He stared at the screen, trying to dissect the glimpses of Yuuri the camera gives me. Minako pats my hand.

 

Finally the skate starts.

 

What I watch…. Makes my heart ache.

 

Yuuri is beautiful, and it’s strange. The performance is a mix of moments so stunning my breath catches and also mistakes that make my teeth clench. Yuuri’s mind seems busy and it helping him and hurting him in equal measure. Close to the end, I see he is pushing himself so hard, and the emotion in the skate makes my eyes tear up. But his last jump is off, and it hurts his score again.

 

I try to think what score he’ll get and my entire body is tense. I can see Yakov lecturing Yuuri on the screen in the kiss and cry and if I wasn’t so nervous I would laugh. I knew how that felt. I sort of missed it. Minako is a quiet presence at my side.

 

The score is announced.

 

Yuuri is right on the edge.

 

He could make it, but… Barely at best.

 

I wish I could be with him in that moment. I want to hold him.

 

Minako grips my arm as we watch the last skate.

 

Who is JJ again? I want it to be over.

 

When it finally ends I listen to what the announcers say about the line up.

 

Yuuri has made it. By the skin of his teeth.

 

He won’t be pleased, and my heart aches for him, but I’m still relieved that at least I’ll have chance to coach him again. It hurts so bad that I let him go through all this alone, that I risked his future by shaking him up like this.

 

Minako shut her computer.

 

“He won’t be home until tomorrow.”

 

I nodded

 

“You should get some rest.”

 

I let out a breath.

 

“Thank you.”

She smiled.

 

“He’ll be happy to see you. It’s going to be okay.”

 

I hesitated.

 

“I love him,” I whispered to her suddenly, “And I let him down.”

 

“No you didn’t.” She insisted. “He won’t see it that way.”

 

“If I was there--,”

 

“You had to come back Viktor. You had to. Yuuri isn’t just your student. He wanted what was best for you, not just the competition. It might have made him upset, but that was because he cares about you and about Makkachin. He won’t blame you.”

 

I knew that. He’d blame himself.

 

“I want to be a better coach for him.” I sighed.

 

“Then do that.” Minako threw up her arms. “Do that. You still have a chance now. So move passed today. Be there for Yuuri now. It’s not over.”

 

I took a deep breath. She was right. It wasn’t over yet.

 

“Thank you.” I smiled at her finally. She smiled back.

 

“Get some rest. Decide how you can help Yuuri when he gets home.”

 

I nodded and waved.

 

“I will. I’ll find a way to help Yuuri.”

 

<><><><>

 

I get to the airport early and am waiting. They let me bring Makkachin in which I’m grateful for. I was not really ready to leaving him

 

I sit in the waiting area, thinking. About Yuuri, and coaching, and our future.

 

I wish I knew more about what Yuuri wanted, but I knew for the immediate future he wanted to win, so I was going to do everything I could. Maybe before that had been about choreography and planning programs but it was more than that now. I had to help Yuuri reach for everything he wanted. I had to make sure that he got it, that he earned it for himself and knew he deserved it.

 

I would make sure that Yuuri Katsuki had the most blinding future imaginable.

 

I hoped that future would continue to include me. Maybe forever.

 

A thought that had always felt sort of right to me when maybe it shouldn’t. That Yuuri and I would be together for the rest of our lives.

 

That maybe we would be…

 

Makkachin barked and I looked to see him run up to the glass where passengers were walking off a flight.

 

I spotted Yuuri among them, and he spotted me. His eyes went wide and we both started running for the doors with Makkachin at my side.

 

My heart was pounding, but my eyes didn’t leave Yuuri. He kept trying to pull the mask away from his mouth as he panted around it.

 

Why was this corridor so long?

 

Yuuri bounced impatiently for the automatic door to open and I threw out my arms for him.

 

He ran to me and buried his face in my chest as his arms went around my waist. We both took a minute to breath and just feel each other's warmth.

 

Oh thank god Yuuri, thank god you’re back with me. I closed my eyes and rested myself against him.

 

“Yuuri…” I whispered finally, not opening my eyes yet. “I’ve been thinking about what I can do as your coach from now on.”

 

He didn’t move away as he whispered, “Me too.”

 

Then suddenly he pushed me away, and I nearly stumbled over from surprise, my eyes widening and settling on his determined face.

 

He didn’t look angry, but very serious. My arms fell to my sides.

 

“Please be my coach,” He said fiercely and I’m reminded of another time, a long while ago, “Until I retire.”

My eyes blinked at this new modifier and my breath caught, my lips falling open.

 

For a moment I couldn’t say anything, I could just see my surprised expression reflected in his eyes. Then happiness welled up in me and I smiled, a short chuckle coming from my throat.

 

Oh Yuuri, you surprised me again.

 

I took his arm from my shoulder so that I could bring his fingers to my lips and kiss them softly, warm feelings swirling around in my stomach.

 

I brought my eyes up to meet his and I smiled almost bashfully, a gentle shake to my voice like I might laugh.

 

“That almost sounded like a marriage proposal.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes widened and he was still blushing but for once he didn’t freak out or deny it.

 

He smiled back at me, then he pulled me back into hugging him like were before, as if he regretted having parted from it so soon.

 

I had never felt warmer in my life, holding Yuuri. Knowing he wanted me to stay with him. So I spoke the confession I would have normally kept to myself.

 

“I wish you’d never retire.” I whispered, and I heard Yuuri’s breath catch, and then he started to cry.

 

He squeezed me tighter.

 

Makkachin jumped up on him out of concern.

 

“Let’s when gold together.” He whispered and I turned my face to kiss his hair.

 

<><><><>


	10. First Time

When Yuuri, Makkachin and I finally arrived back at Yu-topia it was dark. The family had gone to bed to prepare for the next work day and I think I was grateful. Yuuri wouldn’t want to celebrate yet. He and I both knew his family and friends had something prepared for tomorrow but now was not the time. Yuuri wasn’t happy about going to the final the way he was, at least not yet.

 

So we eased quietly into the house.

 

“Are you hungry?” I asked Yuuri and he shook his head, even more quiet than I expected him to be. He kept rubbing Makkachin’s ears and I knew he was happy to see him.

 

“Do you just want to go straight to bed?” I asked next and Yuuri looked over at me.

 

He walked over and leaned himself against me and I blushed a little.

 

“Yuuri?”

 

“You’re too far away.”

 

I chuckled a little at that and wrapped my arms around him. “Sorry.”

 

He closed his eyes and let me hold him up.

 

“Can I stay with you?”

 

“Always Yuuri.”

 

“Can Makkachin sleep in my room?”

 

“What?” I asked in confusion, “You like when Makkachin--,”

 

Yuuri pulled back to look at me with a blushing face. “Just for tonight?”  


I searched his expression and swallow hard.

 

“All right.”

 

Yuuri called Makka with him as he heads to his room, he looked back and smiled at me.

 

“I’ll be back in minute.”

 

I nodded silently, unsure what to say. I hadn’t… seen this coming.

Yuuri disappeared into his room and I turned for mine, leaving the door open and shrugging off my coat and scarf.

 

I hung them up and loosened the buttons on my shirt, dropping my shoes somewhere before sitting down heavily on the bed.

 

It had been… a long few days. But Yuuri wanted to be close to me… he had missed me. Excitement and nerves danced in my stomach.

 

I decided against changing in any significant way. Better to start wearing something that wouldn’t scare Yuuri off but it wasn’t like I was going to stay dressed.

 

I pulled out my phone just to check it since I hadn’t much lately. I had sent a message to thank Yakov, and received a lecture back.

 

“What have you been teaching this boy? I’ve told you a thousand times to prepare for missing a jump! Now you passing your bad habits onto this boy…” so and so on. It made me smile and I thanked him again, asking if maybe I could get more of his advice sometime soon.

 

He sent back something about not helping the competition but he also mentioned something about calling him in the evening after practice.

 

I smiled.

 

Yurio had been complaining about Yuuri to me for a while now.

 

“Piggy is weird. He tried to hug me. Tell him never to do that again. Jesus he’s a wreck without you. You guys are pathetic.”

 

That made me laugh.

 

I heard quiet footsteps. “What’s funny?”

 

“Did you try to hug Yurio?” I asked, raising my eyes from the screen.

 

My throat went dry, and I nearly dropped my phone.

 

Yuuri looked....

 

He had pushed his hair back from his face-- probably just with water-- and he was wearing dark track pants and no shirt. Mid season his body looked as lean and hard as it had the first time I ever saw him. I had almost forgot how hot he had made me. I had been reining those feelings in for so long.

Yuuri smiled at my expression, because my feelings must have been obvious on my face. He pulled the door closed behind him and walked toward me slowly.

 

“What about Yurio?”

 

“Huh? Nothing…” I mumbled and Yuuri reached out to pluck my phone from my hand.

 

“Maybe you’ll remember tomorrow.” He placed it on the table and his fingers toyed with mine.

 

I nodded dumbly.

 

“Will you sit back on the bed for me?” Yuuri asked quietly and my brain felt unplugged. Where had this Yuuri come from? Fuck…

 

I moved back against the pillows and Yuuri climbed up to straddle my legs, sitting down on my thighs.

 

His hand slid along the collar of my shirt.

 

“You’re wearing too much.”

 

“Sorry,” I apologized. “Feel free to change that.”

 

Yuuri giggled and it was adorable.

 

“This from the man who showed up naked the first time we met?”

 

My brain was fuzzy at that. I wasn’t naked at the banquet. Oh, he meant the first time we met here. Huh, that had been a weird way to phrase it but I just chuckled.

 

“You’re right, I should definitely be naked more. I’ll work on that.”

 

Yuuri snorts and shakes his head.

 

“This is what the playboy is like in bed? Seriously, I expected a little more seduction.”

 

I smiled at that.

 

“Well that’s what you get for reading tabloids. Besides…” I slid my hand down the side of his neck and he shivered. “I looks like it’s working.”

 

The truth was Yuuri was right, under other circumstances my approach would have been different when it came to seducing someone. But I didn’t want to seduce Yuuri. I wanted to be myself with Yuuri, completely, I wanted tonight to be us. The real us. Nothing put on.

 

I think Yuuri was starting to pick up on that too because he gave me a gentle smile and pulled me into a slow, searing kiss.

 

I whined against his mouth and my hand found his hair while the other anchored his waist. His skin was soft and warm beneath my fingers.

 

Yuuri moved back a little and slipped off his glasses, moving them to the table before I knocked them off. I wondered how well he could see without them but he didn’t seem to be having too much trouble as he met my lips again.

 

Our kisses were becoming more breathless and fast, I could feel both of our nervous excitement building as my hands explored over Yuuri’s back. His moved down to finish unbuttoning my shirt.

 

Yuuri pulled back to try and push my shirt off my shoulder and he made a soft sound. His eyes scouring over my chest. I smirked but leaned forward to kiss from Yuuri’s collarbone to his naval, making his whine desperately.

 

“You’re gorgeous.”

 

Yuuri sputtered, “I’m--,”

 

“Gorgeous.” This was no time for argument so I dipped my tongue into his belly button and he gasped in surprise.

 

“Viktor!”

 

I hushed him gently, “I love your voice, but you really don’t want to wake anyone.” I reminded him.

 

He bit his lips and whined.

 

I kissed up the side of his neck, making Yuuri’s head lull sideways and tugged on his earlobe before sliding my hand up to turn his head back into a kiss.

 

Then I carefully shifted us so that Yuuri was laying on the bed and I was laying over him. I tossed my shirt off to the side.

 

Yuuri’s hands shyly slid up my stomach to explore and I shivered.

“Vitya,” Yuuri whispered and my breath caught so hard I was dizzy.

 

“What?” I asked in surprise, pulling back to stare at him.

 

He smiled softly.

 

“That’s what Yakov called you when he was lecturing me. I googled it while I was waiting for my plane. It’s like… a nickname?”

 

I opened my mouth unsure how to explain.

 

“It’s… a familiar name. Do you understand what I mean?” I ask and Yuuri nods.

 

“People close to you use it.”

 

“Yes,” I agreed, “Family uses it.”

 

“Oh, do you not want me to--,”

 

“Yuuri…” I let his name out on a breath. “I… I love you calling me that.”

 

Yuuri’s eyes widened at that. I knew what I had just implied. More than I had ever let myself tell Yuuri before. That I wanted him to be that close to me.

 

But Yuuri didn’t push the topic in the moment. His just pulled me into a deep kiss, full of a wealth of emotion that could have been coming from either one of us. Then he said it again.

 

“Vitya.”

 

I pressed my lips to his jaw.

 

“Yes.”

 

I tried to be careful about leaving marks as I sucked and licked over Yuuri’s neck. I would have loved for everyone to see that he’s mine, but I knew it would hopelessly embarrass him for his family to see them.

 

However a thought occurs to me and I move my mouth down to start marking up the skin of his chest and abs.

 

Yuuri arches and has to cover his mouth. Especially when I leave a particularly dark one over his hipbone.

 

Its then that I noticed how hard Yuuri already was, and to be honest I had been right there with him for a while. So I slipped my fingers under the band of his track pants.

 

“May I?”

 

Yuuri looked down at me.

 

“You first.”

 

I smirked and moved back, raising myself enough to undo my pants and start sliding them down my thighs. Yuuri immediately blushed.

 

“I can’t believe you wear that underwear.” He whined, his eyes darting away and darting back.

 

I laughed, “You should really try it sometime.”

 

Yuuri blushed darker. “Maybe if it was just with you…”

 

I grinned and wiggled enough to get my pants completely off and tossed them away.

 

Yuuri’s eyes were pitch black as they raked over he and he swallowed. Then he reached down to slide his track pants off.

 

I helped him, my expression equally hungry as I kissed his gorgeous thighs.

 

I would never forget that those thighs could hold him to a pole by themselves. That thought had danced through many a dream over the last few months.

 

Yuuri whined and squirmed, “Victor!”

 

I nipped at his skin, “Yes?”

 

He let out a stuttering breath, “I need more than this Victor.”

 

“Hmm….” I hummed as I kissed down to his calf. “More how?”

 

“Oh for love of--,” Yuuri pushed me until he could swing himself over the top of me and be straddling my hips again.

 

My cock jumped and Yuuri smirked.

 

He reached down and started palming himself through his briefs

 

“You are taking way too long.”

 

I groaned, “Yuuri!”

 

“I think you just need to watch.”

 

“Yuuri!”

 

He chuckled and sat up enough to wiggle out of his briefs. His swollen pink cock sprung free and I had never felt so parched in my life.

 

“Fuck Yuuri.”

 

He stroked himself inches from my face until the tip was positively leaking with need and he was whimpering at every touch.

 

I watched all of it raptly, remembering the movements that he used, what he seemed to like. But eventually it grew too much for me and I rolled us back over again-- Damn we really are competitive aren’t we?-- and pinned his hands to the bed.

 

“Enough Yuuri,” I panted, pushing my fingers through his to keep them against the pillow and then I pulled back, leaning down to licked a stripe up the underside of his cock.

 

“Fuck, Victor!” he shouted and then the rest turned to japanese. I made a mental note to ask him about it later as I started to mouth his cock, moving back up to the head. I circled him with my tongue and then took him into my mouth.

 

He cried out, throwing his head back and I pray that his parents didn’t hear that.

 

He seems to think the same because he turns his face into the pillow to muffle himself.

 

I took more of him into my mouth slow, bobbing and sucking around him as I go.  

 

The upside to having experience at this was watching Yuuri’s bliss when I was able to deepthroat him. He bit a pillow and nearly tore it to shreds when I fake swallowed around him.

 

However I may have gone a little fast because he barely has a second to gasp before he’s coming down my throat.

 

I swallowed it but did nearly choke. I had to wipe my mouth on the back of my hand.

 

I half expect Yuuri to look tired and spent, which would have been okay even if mildly uncomfortable for me. However, then I remembered Yuuri’s stamina as he pulled me down aggressively to kiss me.

 

I feel his cheeks heat under my fingers as he tastes himself on my tongue but he doesn’t pull away.

 

Suddenly he’s rolling us over again.

 

He reached down and pulled a small bottle of lube and a few condoms from the pocket of his pants. A preparedness that I find charming even if I’m baffled how I didn’t notice them.

 

“Is this okay?” He asked me and I nodded.

 

“How do you--,”

 

“I want to ride you.” I had to close my eyes and breath deeply to keep ahold of myself.

 

“Is that okay--,”

 

“Yes.”

 

Yuuri smiled brilliantly and pressed the lube into my hand.

 

“Will you--,”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Victor,” He laughed but raised himself up over me and spread his legs further apart so that I can move my slicked fingers between them.

 

I carefully circled his tight ring of muscle.

 

I made sure to distract Yuuri with lots of mild touches while I prepped him because I wanted to be careful. I didn’t want him in any pain in the middle of the season. Yuuri must have realized this too because he let me prep him very slow and thoroughly even though his cock was already back to full attention less than half the way through.

 

When I finally felt there’s no resistance I reached a hand out but Yuuri beat me to it and tore a condom open, rolling it down my cock and then taking the lube from me. He slicked me with smooth, slow strokes and I groaned.

 

I knew Yuuri doesn’t have a lot of experience so I wonder where all this was coming from, but I didn’t have time to worry about it before Yuuri was moving himself over me.

 

I grabbed his hips to help make sure he took his time. Guiding him carefully down over my cock.

 

By the time I was fully wrapped in his tight heat I felt like I was about to blackout.

 

Yuuri waited a few moments, breathing in and out. When he finally nodded I leaned up to kiss him as we together started moving his hips in my lap.

 

I could feel the muscles in Yuuri’s thighs and perfect ass working and I shuddered.

 

God Yuuri felt so good.

 

We go slowly and build, always remembering that nothing is worth an injury. But truthfully I would have liked it better slow anyway, at least the first time.

 

I wanted to savor every moment of Yuuri’s hot clenching around me. Plus it gives me time to explore him until I find the spot that makes him bite down on my shoulder to keep from screaming.

 

I was deeply proud of that mark.

 

By the time both of us are wrecked and panting and right on the edge I pull Yuuri into e messily, breathless kiss and speed up just a bit more, slamming into that spot against until Yuuri cries out into the pillow and comes, clenching around me.

 

The feeling of him was enough to have me spilling into the condom.

 

I held Yuuri as he carefully slipped off of me and down onto the bed. I rolled over to kiss him, expecting to close my eyes and cuddle with him at my side.

 

However Yuuri’s kiss was much more heated.

 

I whined, “Fuck Yuuri you’re going to be the death of me.”

 

He chuckled, “I thought my stamina was a good thing.”

 

“Well… it IS.”

 

He laughed, “It’s okay Victor, you don’t have to--,”

 

“You really think I would leave you unsatisfied?”

Yuuri smiled and shook his head. “I’m not unsatisfied. That was amazing Victor, really.” He pulled me into a kiss. “It was everything I wanted.”

 

I blushed a little at that.

 

“Still…” I let out a breath. “We need to get cleaned up anyway… shower with me?”

 

Yuuri kissed my cheek. “Shared bathroom remember? Bad idea. Here…”

 

Yuuri gets up, finding the inn robe I still had in my room and slipping into it. He briefly leaves the room and comes back with wet rags and towels from the bathroom.

 

I helped Yuuri through one more round before we both got cleaned up. Then we layed in my bed, and I rubbed Yuuri’s tired muscles.

 

Looking back on it, it was my favorite first time with anyone, not just because it was Yuuri but because it was so real, and it felt like home. I didn’t feel I had to be anyone else or hide anything. I could just love Yuuri, and being sexy or being silly didn’t change that.

 

It was thoughts like that rolling through my head that made me whisper.

 

“I love you.” In Russian.

 

Yuuri looked back at me, at I was surprised by the look on his face.

 

“What?” He asked, but his voice was oddly shaky.

 

I had planned to just smile but then he took a deep breath.

 

“I love you too.”

 

I blinked.

 

“You knew what I said.”

 

Yuuri blushed. “I don’t speak Russian,” He clarified. “But I’ve learned a few phrases here and there.”

 

I raised an eyebrow. “Specifically that one?”

 

“Specifically,” Yuuri agreed without any further clarification.

 

For a moment I’m was just baffled. Then I sucked in a breath.

Yuuri loved me?

 

Suddenly I was kissing him into the bed, my mouth sometimes jumping to other places all over his face and neck.

 

Yuuri giggled but kept his arms around me, holding me close.

 

“I love you Victor.”

 

“I love you too Yuuri.”

 

By the time we fell asleep that night, we were both exhausted.

 

<><><><>


End file.
